Good Girl Gone Bad Gone Good?

Worst Trends of the 90s - YUCK

2009-05-01T00:46:00.002-04:00

80's fashion revival has monopolized the style world for a few years now. Things we vowed we'd never see again--Ray-Bans, neon, leggings--are suddenly de rigeur on the runways and on the streets. Need proof? Raise your hand if you're wearing a pair of skinny jeans right now.

Since fashion is cyclical and tends to repeat itself every 20 years, the next hot decade is destined to be those Nirvana-blasting, "Friends"-watching 1990's. But while some 90's styles are timelessly chic (Kurt Cobain immortalized flannel), here are some fashion fads that should stay locked in their rooms watching 90210 where they belong.

1. Crop tops

(pictured above)

This picture could be used to illustrate a multitude of things that were wrong with the 90's, but let's focus on the bared Spice midriffs. Britney's granite-hard abs and the popularity of belly button rings convinced us all that shirt lengths should be abbreviated and our navels accentuated. While bared midriffs looked cute on personal trainers and Christina Aguilera, this trend ended up being more than most people could stomach.

2. Pacifiers

In the early to mid-90's, it was inexplicably cool to wear pacifiers as accessories. Starting with the rave scene and then trickling into homeroom, the pacifier craze pervaded as women paired these toddler trademarks with babydoll dresses and called it a super-chic day. But looking back, there's only one thing to say about this trend: it sucked.

3. Skater style

Baggy pants, Vans sneakers, Stussy shirts. Cool 90's kids dressed like they were ready to board; actual skateboarding abilities not required. An outgrowth of grunge, skaterwear took sloppy to new lows as rocker kids sported hoodies and apparently Raged Against the Belt. Fashionable or not, no one wants to see your underwear. Ever.

4. Hair with a million things in it

If you went to prom in 1997 and your updo wasn't bedazzled with a thousand butterfly clips, you were probably the one skulking solo on the sidelines when "End of the Road" came on. Be it tiny braids, stick-on gems or cascades of crimping, hot 90's hair was all about embellishment and excess. Let's jettison the crazy-hair craze and toss out "The Rachel" with it.

5. Goth makeup

In 1997, Marilyn Manson terrified your mom and united sullen teenagers everywhere around Doc Martens, pasty white skin and self-indulgent rebellion against their suburban lifestyles. The Goth look took off, and suddenly everyone had rings in their eyebrows and people like Gwyneth Paltrow were turning up at award shows with vampy lips.

You can leave those chokers stashed in the back of the jewelry box, because hopefully Goth has gone the way of Manson's desperate-for-attention shock rock.

Is there anything I missed? Which of these trends is the worst? Which wouldn't you mind seeing revived?

What is a song that you can really relate to right now?

2009-04-17T09:54:00.002-04:00

What is a song that you can really relate to right now?

At the risk of being disgustingly cliched, teenager-esque, and lovesick, I'm going to have to pick Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson.

I'm kind of in an unfamiliar place right now, having worked really hard to get myself into a position where I could open up and let someone in, where I could be close to someone, and where I could be physical with someone, so being in a position now where I'm watching it slowly but surely fade into the distance no matter what I try to do to stop it.

It's funny, because I hear myself talk about it, and I realize how stupid I sound. I feel like everyone is laughing at me for being so hung up on this guy, and I am ashamed that I pull the horrific teen excuse of "You just don't understand." But really, it was a rather atypical situation. That doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make me stop wanting to tear my hair off my head in frustration, and it doesn't make me stop crying into my pillow at night. I keep it together in front of him, and in front of everyone I know almost all the time. I'm still clinging to some hope that I can fix things.

But I opened up, I let someone in, and now I'm trying to pick up all the pieces.

Feel free to use this question as a post topic if you are running short on content. OR tell me what song you really relate to in a comment!

BAM! And She's Back

2009-04-07T01:05:00.001-04:00

Um this bitch is back.

This bitch doesn't want to talk about her business trip as she just got home and needs to just eat American Fast Food and drive in a big FAT SUV that guzzles gas.

Hope no one takes offense to my ignorance.

4 Weeks in Europe

2009-03-13T09:53:00.004-04:00

Hey everybody!!

Sorry to be so M.I.A. but I was just "dubbed" project leader in my department at work and I will be spending 4 weeks in Europe! I am so excited and leaving on Sunday morning so I have LOTS of packing to do....

I will miss you and try and keep you updated - but I am going on an unofficial hiatus.

My workload is going to be out of this world so I hope I will be able to post something.

Europe here I come!!!!

Add My Friends: Champagne & Wings

2009-03-09T10:17:00.005-04:00

Soooooo.... I convinced some friends to join blogspot, and their blogs are pathetic with a few posts and zero followers. I'm letting you know NOW that they are funny bitches and so here they are!! Love them squeeze them.

I convinced my friend Emily to sign up and she hasn't started one yet (hopefully tonight) but her cousin C-BABY that I never see except for family parties/graduations and so forth has created one and we used to be friends on MySpace - so add her! They both have been offline for a while, so I'm sure there is tons to talk bout!

champagneandwings.blogspot.com

Sexy Cigarettes

2009-03-06T13:23:00.006-05:00

Smoking has certainly been long associated as a sexy activity, first populated by old Hollywood screen sirens and flashy cigarette advertisements. Growing up smoking was always presented to me as a harmful and cancer inducing activity, something to absolutely avoid.

Spending a lot of my weekend in Manhattan, I've found that smoking is considered a sexy, if not hip activity among young circles. As a social smoker myself, I am certain that I have been somewhat influenced by the local culture and those smoking around me.

Is this a terrible realization, or simply an understanding and acceptance of young culture? I like having the occasional cigarette, so I wonder if it is something to contemplate or simply to enjoy.

Have you found that smoking is sexy in your neighborhood? Do you feel that we need to re-debunk the myths and harms of nicotine? Or perhaps, like myself, you enjoy a cigarette from time to time and feel that it is nothing to be ashamed of? Please share your thoughts.

Product Review: The Diva Cup

2009-03-02T21:17:00.009-05:00

So, a few days ago I discovered the Diva Cup, ordered it online, and recieved it right before my first period. I tried it out and here are my findings, I guess you could say this post is a little GRAPHIC, but I have had a vagina for 25 years, I will continue to have one, and quite frankly I am no afraid to talk about it. So LEARN! (Silly squeamish girls)

I’m serious about that… boys, you may want to bow out now. I’m going to be talking about periods, tampons, pads, and girly crap like that. So if you’re going to bitch and moan about it, then leave.

Well, honestly after I wrapped my brain around the fact that it’s actually not disgusting, that doesn’t sound too bad at all, now does it? Try not to jump to conclusions. It took me a good 24 hours of tossing this one around in my head to get myself to the point where I would even consider buying one. By the way, they cost about $35, which sounds pricey, but imagine never having to go out at midnight for supplies ever again? Maybe it’s worth considering…

I started researching it more and more. I googled things like “I hate the Diva Cup” and “Diva Cup sucks” because when I am researching a product, I like to know why people hated it. I checked out all the reviews on Amazon.com, epinions.com and anywhere else I could think of, because I rarely trust the testimonials written on the company website. I have to be honest; I have had a very hard time finding people who didn’t like it. On top of that, the majority of the reviews I’ve read have said things like “this is the best product I’ve ever bought” or “I can’t believe I waited so long” or my favorite “I hardly notice I have a period anymore.” What the? I read lots of product reviews, and of all of them, the Diva Cup is probably getting the highest scores from its users.
So here are the results:

• It’s eco-friendly
• It’s cost effective (since 1 cup lasts up to 10 years, and you don’t need any other supplies during that time)
• It’s hypoallergenic and made of medical-grade silicone (the kind that’s used for heart valves, not boobs)
• You don’t have to change it as often as a tampon or a pad because it holds 1 oz and most women only bleed 2-3 oz the whole time
• You can’t feel it
• You can wear it swimming, running, doing yoga, kickboxing, or pretty much anything
• It’s entirely leak proof once you get it in right; no more messy strings, or ruined clothes/panties
• You can’t get toxic shock syndrome from it
• It doesn’t dry you out like a tampon does, because it doesn’t absorb all of your natural moisture. (Ew)
• It doesn’t get that disgusting “period” smell, and don’t lie, you all know what I’m talking about.

The main downfall to this thing is that you have to insert it correctly which involves putting your fingers into your vagina (some women are uncomfortable with this) and that it can be slightly tricky to install properly and then it does leak. It involves some kind of suction and you have to twist it once you get it in place, I think, and this might be what causes the problem for some women.

If you freak out easily, do not buy this product. There is no applicator, however it is completely comfortable once safely secure. So if you can’t deal with the insertion process, then stay away. But – I have to tell you with a busy schedule, the Diva Cup is great.

Razor Burn Out

2009-03-02T18:49:00.016-05:00

So I have a confession to make. I am a long term sufferer of razor burn, I shower daily, try and exfoliate and moisturize regularly and still - bumps and ingrown hairs everywhere!

Yuck! Does anyone have any advice?

_________________________________________

- the shaving products you use (I'll go pick it up and give my review)

- personal recommendations (wax/nair/razor?)

- secret tips?

- key ingredients?

__________________________________________

I want sexy, shiny, smooth, bump free legs! Help a girl out!

Any response is fabulous, I need to solve this little beauty dilemna, so I'll post all of my findings and write a super post! Who wears short shorts? Not Elle. :(

How to Be the BEST Bitch You Can Be!

2009-02-26T17:45:00.020-05:00

Insults are fun, and more often than not the imagery they portray is better than the look on the face of the person on the receiving end. While it is important to act maturely, and keep your snide comments and snarky quips to the bare minimum, the truth is that some people need to be knocked down a notch once in a great while. When you become a blogger, you do one of two things. You either learn to embrace the insults thrown your way and find some sort of constructive criticsm in them, or you freak out over anything that could be misconstrued in a negative light. Everyone has their own style, so I'm just going to let you in on a few of my secrets.

Remember, insults and bickering are unbecoming of a lady, if you are going to fight do it in pudding.

Feign Superiority.

When insulting someone that you really don't care for, always take the high ground, Cross your arms, roll your eyes, and basically do anything your momma would slap you for. Nothing is more infuriating than someone who laughs at you when you are serious, so laugh at your target. Moral superiority is bogus, but if you can act like you believe it, you will win. People get red hot, right quick when confronted with someone who thinks they are better than them. Take a moment to think of the last time you argued with someone. To really frustrate someone go ahead and feel superior, even if its totally fake.

Keep it short.

Short insults are better insults, plain and simple. Draw it out and your opponent may get glassy eyed. A simple up-front verbal kick to the nads is all it takes. Remind them you know what you are doing.

Speak Clearly.

Do not curse, the moment you use a curse word, you have lost all credibility. This is especially true when debating anything serious, religion, politics, and of course baby-makin. Cursing is a very lazy way to speak, and while I insist that curse words have their time and place, it shouldn't be while insulting someone. Insults are a time to display your vast vocabulary, dwarfing the other person if possible.

Pick your argument. Stick to it.

Even when you are wrong, it's best to just keep treading water. Commitment is a sign of confidence, even if it is artificial.

Hit em where it hurts.

Is it that pretty girl who keeps picking on you, the one you know has the subterranean self esteem? Go for the weak spots, and throw what you know. If someone shows weakness, they are asking to be defeated. Take it, it's yours.

Hot heads lose battles.

Whatever you do, whatever you do in a fight, DO NOT get pissed. The minute you lose your cool, your opponent wins. Getting emotional over an insult is ridiculous, step back and think about where you will be in five years, is this something that you are going to remember, or are you whining about your girlfriend borrowing your favorite sweater, again? If you are REALLY ready to unleash the beast, then go for it. But make sure you are really ready.

There ya go, some pointers to help you be a professional insult artist. But before I go, one more thing.....

Bitch slapping rules:
If your opponent plays the victim card (i.e. you make a cancer joke, and they respond with "My mom died of cancer.") and then continues to fight, 100% of the time, they're lying. If it's true, they will say something like "dude, my mom actually did die of cancer, chill out." THEN cease fire, at least unless you come back at them some more or they won't acknowledge it, because then that would give their opponent more power and ammunition.

Let's do an exercise, and purge all this negative energy from our systems!
Please do be so kind as to add your favorites to this list, since I always love a good come-back.

• You have a mind like a steel trap, anything that gets inside is crushed and mangled.
• You have the personality of a snail on valium.
• Yo momma's so fat Her blood type is Ragu.
• In the shopping mall of the mind, You are in the toy department

Bitches Out There, Hit me with your best shot and Share a story of verbal victory or something incredibly bitchy and insulting that you have uttered from those glossy lips.

Naked

2009-02-25T22:24:00.003-05:00

This is me NAKED. I decided to write down a few things I felt were truly ME, 100% honest and although I may not like it, still remains true.

The one who will run through the snow barefoot, if need be, to get the last word in as a car pulls away.

The one who discusses philosophy with store clerks, and engages in childish antics with doctors, lawyers and educators.

I am that girl who has an elastic band on her wrist in every formal picture, just waiting for an opportunity to sweep her hair into a ponytail.

The one who can never smile for real in a photograph.

I am that girl who is far too opinionated for her own (or anyone's) good, who struggles every day to reserve her words for situations in which they will actually be helpful.

The one who has five hundred friends and no friends on any given day.

The one who is motivated by an inextricable conglomeration of love, guilt, peace and unrest.

I am that girl who makes enemies with the same words by which she makes friends, with others and with herself.

The one who can talk for five hours straight to a rediscovered friend, and who can't talk for five minutes straight with the God who never left her side.

The one whose balance tips precariously from blessing to cursing and back again within a single day.

I am that girl who knows herself inside and out, and has only yet begun to discover who she actually is.

The one who can convince herself and anyone else of anything, with an arsenal of words and an ounce of charisma.

The one who lives out assurance and fear with each breath, and declares freedom and bondage with each thought.

Men as Accessories

2009-02-23T19:40:00.009-05:00

There are many social opportunities in a twenty something’s life during which it is fitting, even REQUIRED, to bring along a date. I have finally admitted to myself that at times, in these situations, I have employed men as an accessory to my ensemble, as my perceived facade for that evening.

Please do not attempt to argue that the man on your arm says as much about you to the rest of the room as your well thought out handbag. Walk with me on this one, *want a drink?* if I'm going to a friend's rock concert out in Brooklyn, I am not going to wear my Louis Vuitton monogram bag or bring a man that is dressed in buttoned up Ralph Lauren with a hint of Tommy Bahama cologne that only rich people like to smell. Rather, I'll opt for a retro vintage purse and man in tight jeans that hugs the booty perfectly and Converse sneakers for starters.

It’s not a sin. The greatest and most intriguing part of the fun of both fashion and dating is the ability to try new things: the funky chartreuse heels and the new mysterious dark haired boy.

This I believe is becoming especially true as men's interest in fashion has become more mainstream and relevant. It is important to consider his look and wardrobe and how it compliments your own.

All-American and Fresh, Wholesome, Pure, Romantic

Rocker/BadAss/Sexy - Trendy, I Do What I Want, F*#k You Confidence

White Trash (Just as there are fashion flops, there are man accessory flops).

Okay, so it doesn't look that great. But there are some women who can make a potato sack look sexy. Christina happens to be the kind of woman to be able to pull off her husband Jordan and still look sexy.

Brad is Pitt is the handbag equivalent of a one of a kind diamond studded white alligator Chanel bag with a white gold link strap. (Phew HOT)The ultimate accessory

___________________

Here's My IDEAL Lineup:

European Getaway Accessory

Baseball Game Accessory

Rock Concert Accessory

Night Club Accessory (Pre-Rihanna Beating)

Cozy Little Bistro Accesory

So what do you think -- is it absolutely terrible to at times consider men as accessories? Or it is simply a single girl having a little fun and considering her perceived fashion persona? Tell me about the man that was the best accessory to compliment your style thus far.

Oooh! And Give me your accessory lineup or let me know if you get hot and bothered when you see these cuties!

You Want Me to Put WHAT? Where?

2009-02-20T14:53:00.002-05:00

In my quarter of a century living on this planet, I thought I'd heard just about everything that had to do with birth control and menstruation. Little did I know, there was something that disappeared years ago and is making a comeback - the menstrual cup.

This little contraption replaces tampons and those awful diapers we call pads. On a normal flow, it can last for 12 - count 'em twelve hours. The way it works is that you put it up inside you and it sits low so it doesn't touch your cervix. The cup forms a type of suction and collects all that nastiness. Apparently, during this whole process, you don't feel it at all. All for the low, low price of $35!

Personally, I'm a little skeptical, but I must say, I'm intrigued. The idea of never buying tampons, pads or anything ever again just by paying $35 once is very enticing.

Have any of you tried it? What do you think of it? Would you try it?

I Had An ELLE Moment

2009-02-16T16:13:00.000-05:00

I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail.

Daddy at 13 Years Old

2009-02-16T11:42:00.005-05:00

13 year old boy and 15 year old girl have a baby after "one" night of unprotected sex. the boy looks like a 6 yr old!!! Parents -put a fucking leash on your children so they don't create more little ones before puberty ends and before they can financially support it themselves.

Think about THAT while you're having sex tonight.

This is completely disturbing to me. Any thoughts?

Read about it HERE

Let's Talk About Sex

2009-02-15T20:44:00.017-05:00

Here are some interesting/disturbing/titilating facts about S-E-X. Think you know it all? Use these for small-talk or to better strategize your love life!

What you Don’t Know about .... Porno.

- There are over 4.2 million porn websites in the world.

- In 1995 American Gary Kremen secured the rights for the domain sex.com. He sold the rights in 2006 for 14 million dollars.

- People who regularly watch pornos find their partners in real life increasingly less sexy, regardless of how attractive they are. (Zillmann/Bryant)

The Truth About Men

- Three out of four men fantasize about their work colleagues. (Playboy)

- 72 percent of men get a complex when they see the good looking men on the cover pages of magazines.

- 73 percent of men are still potent at the age of 70.

- The internet site Askmen.com asked its readers whether, if it was legal, they would like to have two wives. 29 percent said yes.

- Only one in six men give their girlfriends or wives underwear.

- Men who help with housework have better sex. (Riverside University)

- One in twenty men has fallen asleep during sex. (FHM)

God Bless America!

- Amercians have the most sex, at 132 times a year. ( Durex)

- Sex lasts an average of 17.6 minutes for Americans.

- 16 percent of young Americans have had sex as an act of revenge.

The History of “Sexy Time”

- When the Egyptians destroyed Libya in the 13th century B.C. they took 13.230 penises of the conquered enemies as trophies

- A group of students were shown pictures of couples having sex. At the same time scientists recorded what part of the pictures the test subjects looked at first. The men more often looked at the women's faces, whereas the women tended to focus their attention on the genitals. Only women who were on the pill focused on the way the room was decorated. (Kinsey Institute)

- Around 100 B.C. in Babylon all women had to go to the temple of the Fertility Godess Mylitta to have sex with a stranger. Only then were the women allowed to marry. The stranger, in return, had to donate money to the temple. (The History of Prostitution)

- The first condoms were made from sheep intestines and other animal membranes.

Some Truths About the Ladies

- 41 percent of women have fantasized about having sex with two men at the same time. (Review of general psychology)

- The tip of the clitoris has about 8000 nerve endings - more than anywhere else on the human body. In comparison: A penis only has 4000. (Cosmpolitan)

- 90 percent of all women have faked an orgasm. (Charite)

- On average women have 11 bras in their drawer and 22 panties. (IMAS)

- Ninety percent of women would choose a hug over sex.

- Visuals are very important for men during sex. Emotions and touch are what count for women (Eli LIlly/Ipsos Sante)

- 31 percent of women think that men chould be a little rougher with them in bed. (GQ)

- Straight women get just as turned on watching two women having sex as by watching a man and a woman having sex.

- Three percent of women plan household chores while having sex. (TNS-Emnid/Lisa)

Other Facts & Figures

- Seven out of ten people kiss with their nose to the right.

- A few strange desires: Plushophilia = sexual attraction to soft toys. Dendrophilia = sexual attraction to trees. Staturphilia = sexual attraction to statues.

- The most condoms are sold in July and August. (The Book pf Sex Lists)

- A single sperm has to wiggle its tail 800 times to move forward one centimetre. (BZGA)

- A study in New Zealand revealed that young women with piercings (besides earrings) change sexual partners more often than other women. (University of Otago Medical School)

- Sexsomnia is the term US scientists use for people who perform sexual activities unconciously during sleep. The spectrum ranges from masturbation to sexual intercourse - in the event that the sexsomnia patient comes across a partner.

- About 80 percent of the sexsomnia cases occur with men. (Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine)

- In an international survey Germans ranked as the worst lovers in the world becuase they only think about their own pleasure in bed. Also not too popular were Turks (too sweaty), Swedes (too quick), Dutch (too rough), Americans (too dominating), British (too fat) and Russians (too hairy). The winners, again, were the Italians.

- People have a tendency to choose partners whose body fat percentage is similar to their own. (Rowett Research Institute)

- Certain foods are said to be good for boosting ones sex life: lean meat, oysters, grains, wheat, seafood.

- Men have about nine erections during a night's sleep - regardless of what they dream.

- Sexual intercourse takes place about 2778 times around the world every 5 seconds.

See, now that you visited my blog, even if you didn't enjoy it, you can say you at least learned something!

Love,

Tag: The Handbag Game

2009-02-12T00:02:00.013-05:00

Rosemarie Tagged ME!!! I'll be a good girl and keep the LABEL LOVE goin!

The Rules:

1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go up to your closet and pull out that cute little purse that's your fav. We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house. No cheating!
2) List how much it cost. And this is not to judge. :) This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, we’d love to hear it.
3) Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your bag.

My Balenciaga (on MY comfy reading/drinking/laughing/etc. chair that I love to pieces), compliments of an ex boyfriend that was - well - at least had good taste in handbags. I am unaware of its' sale price, and like not knowing. I use him everyday and he is a bottomless Mary Poppins of a bag! Luckily I just cleaned out the crap from my bag, and this photo looks like I supposedly have my life organized along with the contents of my purse. NOT! But there you have it.

Now with a pat on the booty, I pass this on to:

Marissa - (Visit Her Blog)

And....

Lulu - (Visit Her Blog)

_____________________________

Note From Elle:

Thought this was funny! I should have included it before!

Lolita: Is that a doughnut keychain or something?

Elle:YES! It's a Betsey Johnson keychain!! The other side is pink with flowers and glitter! So tacky but so delicious! My cousin gave it to me, a running joke in the family because I am a chocolate frosted donut fiend! I'll give a cop a run for their money any day in a donut eating contest. And donuts with coffee? Fugghetaboutit!! So yes, I carry around a plastic donut on my keys! It makes me ME!

Balenciaga Love & Donut Flavored Kisses,

You Jump, I Jump

2009-02-06T11:14:00.001-05:00

One thing you should probably know about me is that I am ridiculously obsessed with the movie Titanic. I don't have cable, and I've only got about 20 movies in my apartment, and Titanic is one of them, so suffice to say, it's on a lot. Often, if there's nothing else going on, I'll just put it on and let it play in the background while I cook, or clean, or do homework. It's on right now. If you're reading this and for some reason, you've never seen the film, stop reading, go and watch it, and then come back.

Aside from the fact that Kate Winslet is one of my favorite actresses of all time, I just love the story. It's all just really beautiful, incredibly touching, and unbearably sad. I can never get through the whole film without crying because there are just so many beautiful, and heartbreaking moments. I love the romantic notion of caring about someone as much as Jack and Rose care about each other. I love the kind of people that they are. I admire their courage.

Quite possibly my favorite moment in the entire film comes towards the end, when Jack and Cal have convinced Rose to get into a lifeboat, and the boat is being lowered into the water. Rose is in the boat, she's safe. She'll survive, and she'll be okay. But that's not good enough. Surviving is not good enough. Instead of staying where she knows she'll be safe, she risks everything. She gets up, and she jumps from the lifeboat, from safety, from the closest thing she's got to a guarantee of surviving. She jumps back onto the sinking ship.

And I cry every single time I watch her do it.

I cry because it's romantic. I cry because it's tragic. And I cry because she's right; surviving is not good enough.

Life is not about surviving. Life is about living. And sometimes living means jumping out of your lifeboat, and doing something that is a genuinely stupid idea. I have spent my whole life sitting in that lifeboat looking back at chances I wish I had taken fade away. I have chosen to protect myself, and so I have sat there in that lifeboat, safe, secure, and alone. And you know what? I'll survive if I don't jump. I'll be okay. But you know what else?

Jumping out of that lifeboat might just be the best thing I ever did for myself.

I'm not saying that we should all run around and do things that are dangerous and reckless - that's not what I mean at all. What I mean is that sometimes, we have to give up the guarantee at surviving to have a chance at living. We all have the ability to go through life safely. We can take fewer risks, and we can get through relatively unscathed. We can get in the lifeboat, with the hopes that we'll never be hurt, or we can jump, accepting the fact that we will be hurt, and deciding that maybe there's something else that is more important.

It reminds me of a line from the movie Hitch. I forget the exact words, but it's something along the lines of "That's what people do - they jump, and hope they can fly, because if they can't, they fall the whole way down thinking 'Why in the hell did I jump?'"

I didn't jump because I thought it was a smart idea. I didn't jump because I thought it would keep me safe. I jumped because I'd rather know happiness for a little while, and deal with the pain when it comes. I jumped because from where I'm standing, it's worth it. And I am willing to accept the fact that someday, I might be the one wondering why the hell I jumped.

Can you think of a time when you jumped out of your metaphorical lifeboat? Do you tend to play it safe, or are you more of a risk-taker? Do you think we should play it safe more often, or do you think we should take more chances?
Love and Kisses,

Quilted Chan-Elle Bag

2009-02-06T01:13:00.000-05:00

My Brain Quilt! Before I go to bed I figured I'd dump my final thoughts/ideas/feelings on you. A picture is worth a thousand words. (Feel free to use the graphics below.)

Part Three: Big Girl Panties/You Let It Go

2009-02-05T18:42:00.001-05:00

She wants to say she never believed him, that she only wanted to. That she'd known better, when he'd whispered 'I love you' and slipped inside her. She wants to wish away those nights they'd fallen asleep next to one another, those long car rides home, her head on his shoulder. To burn the snapshots from her retinas; steering wheels and headlights, you and me under those same stars.

More importantly, she wants to know when. When loving her turned into that lesser artistic representation he always strove to avoid. In the end, when you pressed your hands against my flesh, did you even see me or the woman you wished I was?

And why. Always, why. Why he'd pulled her through the loops and verses of everyday living, knowing he'd already replaced her in every way but one. I couldn't have loved you better.

As if he knows she's gone rather suddenly blank, he rushes to her rescue. In some dim, distant part of her brain, she's grateful that he's still capable of reading her mind, her cues. Even if he's forsaken the right to do so. "It wasn't you. You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't stop, and I didn't go looking. It happened, and I made a choice."

The right choice. She doesn't need to read his mind to hear the unspoken words. Whatever vestige of love he has left for her, entirely eclipsed by the woman who'd stolen him away. What do you do with love like that?

You let it go. You pour a drink. And tomorrow, you begin a life with no restraints on your heart.

So I'm sitting here, snuggled by myself in my warm bed, watching DVDs and painting my nails, sipping on some extra sweet Chardonnay. Raise your glass with me tonight world! Elle put on her big girl panties and decided to let go.

Part Two: Return of the Ex

2009-02-04T22:06:00.000-05:00

A few hours later - and a few minutes late, so as not to seem lame - she calmly struts her thang into the coffee shop. Dressed in a reasonable reproduction of his favorite outfit - a replication of style more than a true faith to his preferred view of her. An update, upgrade - still the woman you loved, but better. Her butt looks great and her smile is explosive, portraying a new sense of functionality and a bubbly, completed soul. Determined to look him square in the eye and, for once, not flinch.

But as she counts the footsteps toward their usual table, familiarity tugs at the hem of her skirt. (Mind you the hem was way, way up to her thigh), Closes its fingers around hers and yanks her in every direction at once. She's unprepared for this, for the fall to remembering. Most of all, she's unprepared for the depth of color in his eyes.

"Hey, you."

Oh, his voice. Concentrated, meant for her ears alone. "Hey, you."

They exchange overformal pleasantries as he passes her her latte - the ratio of sugar to cream to coffee, as always, just as she likes it. How many mornings had they spent like this? How many afternoons? How many conversations about the weird guy in the corner, or the new movies coming out this weekend?

After a heartbeat or two of painful yet passionately pleasurable silence, she rests her chin in her hand (a short French manicure… class without being fussy) and taps her fingers against her coffee cup. Decides to seek empowerment by way of forthright, that’s right Girl Power, ‘F*ck you I’m not playing games’ accusation. "So. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Of your company. Your attentions. Of eye contact, and the bump of your knee against mine. It's GAME TIME!!! And I am so not here to lose, to YOU and your mind games or pathetic excuses!

"We're sorry, you know." As if singular pronouns no longer applied and he was no longer an independent entity. She bites down on a vindictive response and just nods cleverly, waiting for him to continue. She's DYING to know if he realizes what he should be sorry for. "This isn't really how we wanted it to turn out."

Again, that we. I’m going to Barf. She's suddenly struck with the image of their foreheads pressed together while they designed their happily ever after at her expense. She grants that this might be unfair, but the fact remains. For all his apologies - and her apologies, by extension - he's still looking at her like a complete stranger. "Sorry?" She hopes the words come out with the right amount of detached venom in them; she's aiming for distant, bemused sarcasm but is quite sure of failing miserably. "And I suppose this is where I forgive you?"

From the quick raise of his eyebrow, he doesn't miss the slight lean she places on 'you'. Purposely, if subtly, disregarding the third party in their cruel orbit of one another. "Of course, you don't have to," he allows. "I just assumed you'd rather be civil than not. After all this time. I mean, we should be capable."

After all this time. Shared secrets, and heartbreaks. Enough time to be considered shared history. It strikes her that she's unsure of life without him only because she can barely remember life before him. And because she can't fathom their quick downshift: from domestic bliss, to his lips pressed against another woman's bare stomach. How quickly could you fall out of love? Fall in love again?

And why?

"You cheated on me." It's all she can think to say, words plucked from the white noise of blood in her head. She didn't mean to bring it up, nor did she mean for the words to be accompanied by a rather vivid mental picture of fingers and tongue and teeth. But there it is: essentially, the deal-breaker. Whatever salvation he was after, how does he expect her to look past that?

"I did, yes." At least he pays her the courtesy of ducking his head. Shamed, but not entirely regretful. It occurs to her, for the first time, that he's happy. Without her. The thought had crossed her mind from time-to-time, but had never held any truth value. She'd always assumed he'd thrown away forever for the predictable, obvious appeal of sex and heat - she'd seen this woman. You didn't fall in love with woman like that. "But not for the mere fun of it." An important distinction, in his eyes.

Part One: You Have One New Voice Message

2009-02-03T18:18:00.000-05:00

"Dear you. I know it's been awhile since we last talked. I'm sorry girl. Coffee, to make it up to you? The usual spot, the usual time. Love, me."

On its fifth replay, she finds the message no less confusing than the first. In fact, with each looped playback she's washed further from the shores of sanity - first through last, some new digitized detail emerging from the embers of her memory. His affectionate inflections, the familiarity of his colloquialisms. By the seventh time through, she stalls repeatedly on the message's end: did that 'love' carry the same weight it once did, or is she imagining things that aren't there?

She could just pretend to have never gotten the message. Reject his peace offering in silence and get out of whatever he has planned by way of 'making it up to her'. There's an charming unfussiness to dodging people, and ignorance; he can't hold her responsible, if she doesn't know. But even as she ponders the option, she knows it isn't one. While he's moved on to his happily ever after *with his little Energizer Slutbunny * she's no further away from him than she's ever been. Still stuck evaluating the importance of his proposed meeting place, and time: regretful amusement, or incisive undertone? How much was he trying to say?

It was my ex. My serious serious ex.

"So You Had a Bad Day .... "

2009-01-29T16:46:00.001-05:00

So you know when you're going through some life-changing relationship liason, broken hearted and pessimistic about everything, very Ne-YO "So Sick" without the power to actually turn off the radio? Well that was today. It's like my heart was waiting on the corner of the street, and a car flew by and covered it with mud. And then a loving couple is holding hands in front of me and I'm running to my next class with a broken heel and my morning perk-up spilled all over my new creme colored blouse.

You're all invited to my pity party. No streamers, no balloons, no delicious diet-breaking cake or chocolate waterfall. I know it's time for a change in my life, I want to make it, I see the "signs" in me.

Within the past year or so I have been making monumental mistakes, acting purely on vodka or insecurity. People I know have lost respect for me, I am losing respect for me. And that is what is killing me. I have held my head proud and because of what I know is on the inside, I can wake up one more day. Not anymore. I can hear your advice "It doesn't matter what people think, if you know inside what you are, it doesn't matter what anyone else says." But none of that rings true to me. It is simply hovering on the surface with all the rest of the advice that is so easily given but rarely taken.

"We all make mistakes." "If they believe a conclusion like that without even knowing the facts, they aren't worth your time."

But we have all been on the other side, bashing the best of us who have made "big mistakes". We hear about someone's reputation and think "Yea, she's trash - I heard that she ..." or "People like that never change, that girl..." Well, Now I'm THAT GIRL.

What happens when suddenly I am finding myself defined by the opinions of others? I've lost friends, boyfriends and even potential boyfriends (after the fact) because of the reputation I have created for myself in collaboration with the spin on things the grapevine always provides (Remember the Telephone Game in elementary school?)

Something more painful and overwhelming is that I am disgusted with the author of this very post, ashamed of the very feelings I feel, completely uninspired and feeling like I've got nothing.

Mistakes. We are supposed to get past them. It's not a mistake if you learn from it. My mistakes turned my entire world around, and I'm left kneeling on the ground with the pieces scattered around me. These broken relationships, the good reputation that I had that is now rubble, all a dark reminder of the consequences of my actions.

I'm still resisting accepting that when things are broken, sometimes they can't be fixed. I'm still baffled by the idea that no matter how genuine my apologies and attempts are to mend wounds, it will never be enough.

Everyday I let myself sink deeper into this ominous "funk" that I know if my friend were going through I would be maniacally concerned. Ice cream and shoe shopping doesn't fix this pain when I'm about to fall asleep. I feel desperate, out of control.

Tears At Work (I'm THAT Girl)

2009-01-23T15:30:00.000-05:00

Can I just say thank you to Charlee, Rosemarie, Jamie, Ruggy, Classy in Philly and Lolita? I love you with all my heart! The response time was immediate and I just checked my post from work and my heart just exploded! You guys are amazing and I especially want to give *hugs and kisses* to Rosie and Classy in Philly for always ALWAYS give me your love and 2 cents.

God didn't take this man away from me to punish me. God took him away from me to give me something so much better.

I cried when I read this at work...

"The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?'

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath . Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me?'

'Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'

'That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.' And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, 'Do you love me?'

'Daddy, you know I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls..'

'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll . The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'

'That's okay. Sleep well... God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you'
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style...

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy.. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace . With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. "

Tears. Brought me to tears. I guess it just goes to show, that there is a silver lining. You just have to have faith.

No time for details

2009-01-23T07:21:00.000-05:00

No time for details. My heart is shattered. Mr. Tattoo's is gone and I am scared to death of being alone these days - no - any day. Where do I go now? What do I do? This isn't rhetorical. I need answers.

He loves me. But he's not in love with me anymore. What?

No, I am NOT High Maitenance. Wait, Yes...

2009-01-22T22:37:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if it is only me, but there are just certain days that I think to myself, "Wow, I am a complete and total mess and I gained 5 pounds" and then I see some stupid beauty commercial, or advertisements for the Miss America Beauty Pageant. I am not that girl! I don't think if I quit my job and had unlimited resources, that I could possible perfect every little trait in my appearance/mannerism/presentation. WELL DUH! Of course no one is perfect Elle!

I know that.

You know that. This isn't my point.

Aren't there just some days where you beat yourself over the head for 'letting yourself go' too soon, or not being up to par. It seems like as I try and tackle more and more, I have less time for me- but I think it's okay. My physical appearance isn't a top priority, it's important, but when I see some women at work or school I think to myself - how much energy must they invest to look the way they do? I barely get 20 minutes on the elliptical.

So here are somethings that I found that appear to be "going against" the high-maitenance expectations that Cosmopolitan expects us to be...

1. 29 % of women go barefaced! No makeup. All natural. Oh la la! It's time that we strip of all the cakey makeup and look the way God intended us to. Makeup is supposed to 'accentuate' not hide.

2. Washing your hair daily is unnecessary. So clip it up if you have to when you're in the shower and then use that grittiness to achieve volume or curl the next day. (In no way am I condoning skipping a shower! LOL)

3. Ever feel like you walked out of the house, and ooh, ouch, just didn't get it right? 66% of women admit to primping in public - from reapplying makeup to fixing hair to some creative new way to wear your jewelry - don't be afraid to achieve your look on the go!

4. 76% of women skip the bikini wax and dilligently and delicately use a razor. Waxing hurts. A lot. Use sparingly. Drink heavily before hand.

5. Cutting your own hair! Come on girls, we know that we have all seen our hairdresser cut our hair the same way for years!! Try it out yourself. 68% of women at home cut their own hair. However, warning, if you are nervous at all - do not attempt - and if you are just generally bad with scissors.... please don't say I encourage you do to this.

6. Half of women say they are more comfortable with their appearance now than they were in the past. Thiry's are the new Twenty's anyway! Oh, I have so much time to age elegantly like a nice pinot noir.

Some other interesting numbers

See how you match up to the nation's "beauty average"

[ 5 ] Average number of times a woman looks at her face in the mirror each day.

[ 42 ] Amount, in dollars, most women spend on a basic haircut.

[ 49 ] Minutes a typical young woman puts into her looks, daily.

[ 23 ] Average amount, in dollars, a woman pays for a manicure.

[ 81 ] Percent of women who believe beauty is too narrowly defined as appearance
only.

Not sure if my shoe obsession, and nazi- like skin care regimen earn me the title of High Matienance. I am a guilty sweats lover, but if I could I would wear Bottega Venetta pencil skirts to work everyday dripping in gaudy jewelry. Where is the line drawn?

To Do's, Kitty Litter, & Cleaning

2009-01-18T12:25:00.000-05:00

Cleaning the apartment, getting ready for school to begin again (GO Masters!). Sorry about the lack of 'good' post quality. It will return again, I love the feedback I'm getting. You guys are great and I love hearing your responses.

I'll leave you with this. I didn't get a chance to go to church this week, but I think we all need to stop and take a second, regardless if we are believers are not to realize that 'someone' is looking out for us. Whether you believe it is mother earth, or Buddha, or your grandmother, or God - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I challenge you to accomplish just 2 things on your To Do list today. It will make the start of the week go by much more seamlessly. I'm going to do some pilates DVDs, get ready for school to start this week and clean my ENTIRE house!

Embrace boring days to clear your head, make lists, do some ironing? (I never get to iron my work pants). And I have been dying to try this new face mask out. It's made of *kitty litter*!

I know it sounds gross, but really, all kitty litter is, is volcanic ash that is cooled and turned into clay! Below is the video that inspired me to try this, and hey, if there is nothing else going on right now in your life- try it out! The author is MichellePhan and she has so many great videos and tips!

Here are my favorites:

Kitty Litter Detox Mask

Get the Most out of your Expensive Lip Glosses

Took me a while to get used to her voice, LOL, but after a while it is very soothing!

I'll be trying the mask out today, so let me know if you tried and liked it!

Love you ALL!!

Valentine's Day: Through a Man's Eyes

2009-01-15T09:36:00.001-05:00

Valentine's Day is coming up and I for one am going to be anti-mush this 14th of February. Romance is special, and sweet and okay, but BEWARE: I am a firm believer that there is a level of mush that no one should ever have to go through.

Chicks. Why do we get so gush when it comes to celebrarting milestones or holidays or even simple romantic moments? Most men don't. (There are a few out there that thrive of this sort of thing, however when you meet them you generally don't want the romance anymore) In our heads, we choreograph every little move and try and put love and devotion into every napkin ring, and then he asks if we can watch TV while we eat.

Well guess what. MAYBE- our motive for cooking that romantic feast should be to make yourself happy by doing something kind and creating a fantastic evening for the two of you to have - not to win his adoration or score a bracelet!

So Valentine's Day. I want all you single ladies with a special guy in mind for that day, or all you happily taken broads (jealous) to heed this well thought out advice.

MEN ARE ALLERGIC TO ALL THINGS PINK AND HEART SHAPED. So don't have a mood swing when he doesn't go totally overboard with a Cupid Themed bedroom. Guys also are under a lot of friggen pressure this day. Think about it like this. Imagine March 12th was "St. PornStar Day". Could you imagine how much we would resent the male race? If we had to, and I would like to stress the word HAD, give him the most dirty-talking sexcapade wearing the most uncomfortable neglige that you could find, and IT WAS EXPECTED.

I know it's a stretch, but don't we want to show each other how much we care on our own schedule in our own way?

If you are hell-bent on hearts and flowers, please let him know it, rather than expecting him to guess exactly what you have been day dreaming about. Or maybe we should be the powerful felines that we are and perhaps tell him that WE are going to go here, alleviiating some of his stress and allowing him to personalize the rest of the night, according to HIS style.

You paid what for those shoes?@!#^

2009-01-13T20:13:00.000-05:00

Divine Intervention Ladies! Holy Manolo, I had an amazing day today. Why? I have no idea. I have been in this friggen rut, always concerning myself with my next 'man move', or what is the ex doing right now - that I haven't lived 24 hours just for me. JUST ME, All me, "Sorry can't help you it's Elle-Day, didjya get the memo? Ciao!"

I wanna play a little game of truth or dare. Only you have to pick dare, and PLEASE believe me it will be so worth it.

Step 1: Pick a day that you know involves no commitments, appointments, plans, whatever! And if you don't remember what a day without SOMETHING dire occupying all of your energey is like (I am deeply sorry for the amount of responsibility on your shoulders, still try it!!!)

Step 2: Love the shit out of yourself. I swear I'm done feeling stressed out! Booooooo! Whiners = Lame! Suck it up, it is YOUR life and rock the hell out of it.

Step 3: Reflect.

I arose in a sun beam, the scent of my scented candles still lurking amongst the air, in the cleanest, most white tshirt and panties with a smile on my face, ready to kick the morning's ass really hard.

(What Actually Happened - I woke up sleeping on my cell phone with a miserable back ache and let's just say I had the bed head of a young college slut *graphic?* sorry)

But hey, TODAY IS ELLE-DAY! HOOOOOOORAY! The crick in my back (I feel old!) will only help me to have that 'Beyonce swag'. SERIOUSLY. Limping can be sexy girls, it's all about how you work it!!

At lunch, what did I do? BYE GUYS- I have things. LOL Treated myself to the freshest most delicious veggie sushi and bought a pair of... drum roll please!! ....

HI.

My name is Elle and I can't afford them. But ...
I bought them.

Why, because today is Elle's day.

(The leisure in my tone and the state of my mind's sanity is very calm. I cannot promise I will be so calm tomorrow.)

So before I do something crazy, I need MANOLO SUPPORT! Calling all shoe lovers! Please, pat my back and tell me it's going to be okay. It was worth it, don't cry when you get your bank statement.

I need.... The Stiletto Mafia.

When it Rains Men. It Pours. And these aren't SUNSHOWERS

2009-01-12T22:37:00.000-05:00

So I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. I don't think I decided to swallow the sadness, leave all my baggage at the door and stop pitying my poor self because of some phenomenal inner strength I possess. Yeah - maybe - but to be completely honest I just can't waste any more of my life asking dumb questions, wondering what I DID, hating ' the new girl '. I am a woman - capable of forgiveness, and with the maturity, poise and grace to hold no grudges (at least try).

After a relationship that seemed to have spanned the parts of my life that were most dear and familiar to me, my boyfriend dumped me. For a newer model. With satellite radio. What pains me is that I see how happy they are. And if I really loved "Mama's Boy" so much, then I should be happy that he has found someone that makes him happy. I've met the upgrade a few times and she is charming and beautiful and I can't seem to resist the urge to trip her or pour a drink in her face. But I am a lady!

Okay so I lied. I did not "WAKE UP" this morning and decide I was going to get over my past heartache. I saw them (The Ex - "Mama's Boy" and the new chick - "Version 2.0") at the gas station. Or at least I think I did. It was not pleasant. With my heart sky rocketing up into my throat, the only antidote for the pounding in my chest and the rush of emotion was a cigarette and a speedy exit.

Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. It just baffles me. One minute a guy is mapping out your future, and the next minute he is planning he's escape! Regardless of the reasons I think I have dodged a bullet. A man who can invest so much time in me and then drop me like a bad habit is not much of a man I want to be with and he's certainly not someone I can trust.

I guess that's what bunches my panties. He didn't have respect for me. GRRR! So I'm driving to my job, of course thinking about all the things I should have done like stage some glorious cell phone conversation a little too loudly and show him HOW GREAT my life is without him, or bend over and show him the booty he left behind. BUT forget him. He is not ruining my day!

So anyway I get to work, and of course I'm pissed. Who wants something like that rubbed in their face? I'm walking in, swipe my ID and see TBH (Tall, Bald and Handsome LOL!) turning the corner, meeting my exact route to go back to his desk. We have a history of our own.

He was my rebound. My "Oh-You-Have-Attention-For-ME-I-Just-Got-Dumped" Main man! Of course he is the nicest person I think the world has ever known. Does the funniest impressions, always remembers what I like and what I say and what I Take in my coffee. However, I have ill feelings toward this nice-guy. Soon after our first and only date to a Yankees game - I began feeling repulsed by this creature that happened to work 10 feet from desk. UGH! Can you please stop telling me my hair looks nice! I appreciate it but really, can we just enjoy the game? We had a good time, but by the ride home I was so sick of hearing how great of a time we had and how great our chemistry was. THIS WAS OUR FIRST DATE! And it wasn't even an official date! And then when I finally reached my place, and got ready for bed I had 3 texts about cuddling!!! I'm sorry, run that by me again? You want to cuddle and you miss me? You wish my head was laying on your chest? WOW. Are you taking estrogen injections?

It began with that.

It slowly morphed into this day-in, day-out, "How come we never go to lunch together?", "We should get coffee", "You're busy this weekend again?", "You didn't say hi to me."

REALLY. Really? We're going to play like that? Let's see- I just got in, it's 8:00 am - could I turn on my computer before you start to bitch and moan like a nine year old pouting that she didn't get 'everything she wanted for Christmas'. I am not your girlfriend, you are ten years older than me, maybe you should just back off!

Normally, that would convey a general message that one with a brain (that at least runs on a half tank) would undestand. I am not your Mommmy, it isn't cute flirting anymore and I don't care if the rest of this BUILDING thinks you are adorable and charming, you are stepping on my last nerve. And OH! You have no hair!
Do I have some kind of jackass magnet implanted in me that I am unaware of? Can I catch a break? I need a Xanex! UGH! Men! WTF?

Snag your Man "The Celeb Way"

2009-01-11T20:12:00.001-05:00

So none of my family really knows about this new guy in my life - only ONE girlfriend. No coworkers, no updates on Facebook/Myspace (don't participate in them), not mommy not daddy - He's my DIRTY Little Secret. And - I have to tell you it feels really nice. There is no pressure to impress anyone with the current standings of our courtship or the fact that he got me a dinky gift that my aunt doesn't see fit (when I really adore it's thought).

Is dating in secret, they way celebrities date - the healthiest way to cultivate a true RELATIONSHIP between the two of you? Is this the new way to date?

"Elle, who's that you're with? Are you two together? How's the sex? Is he taken?"

"Sorry, no comment. Some things you have to leave to the imagination. He's - uh.. a friend."

"Dating Quietly". Hmmm? Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo seem to be doing just fine, although the first part of their relationship was done in secret. Jen Aniston and John Mayer are engaged, but refused to expose their relationship until there was a solid foundation. For once - can something good come out of the Hollywood Hills? You can jinx a relationship by defining its' boundaries way too prematurely. Labels only act as binding mechanisms which generally make men run as fast as they can! The only binding they ever want to participate in involves bedposts.

If you really think about it, in love stories/movies/books/cliches - the sweetest and truest relationships are between best friends. People who feel no pressure to be with each other, but they simply enjoy each others' company and humor with no stress!

So why even call him your boyfriend? Mr. Tattoos is the sweetest bad boy I have ever met in my life, but if the union isn't strong enough in a month or so to withstand the intense presure of 'boyfriend and girlfriend', it'll crack. That doesn't necessarily mean it will crumble - but it won't be AS firm and supportive. (His butt looks firm. And I am his #1 Supporter of all those hours he logs in the gym doing squats - ahh, sorry, side tracked! I'm an ASS MAN if you can't already tell! LOL)

It will probably be hard to apply the brakes when I am falling so hard for this yummy snack, BUT I want to take this SUPER slow and really get to know him, and show him how FABULOUS I can be without all the pressure on his side. By the time he realizes my charms, he'll WANT to put the pressure on! I don't mean for this to sound like games, it's more like "Male Strategizing".

I can deal with HUSH HUSH. Let's give em something to talk about! *Me-oW* I want to develop a connection, or at least a good friendship (If all else fails, he's a great guy to fool around with) <---- I meant "joke around/laugh/play" by that, however I thought I would leave the aforementioned phrasing in tact for your own pleasure.

How do you feel about the "Celeb Way" to start dating a man? Does it merely give him the opportunity to abuse the lack of boundaries you intentionally left undrawn? Any personal experiences or remarks?

Hit me with your best shot! I'll post my favorites in upcoming posts!!

The Power of a Quickie: Widgets

2009-01-11T00:21:00.000-05:00

Feeling inadequate, like you aren't getting the blog traffic you KNOW you deserve? I mean after all - you are the funniest, most charming, insightful and ever-changing blogger out there! These quick changes/additions can boost your blogging ego - which can lead to better content! - or encourage Browsers to pitch a tent and soak up every juicy word you write!

I found some great websites ladies & gents! And would I be the ELLE that you all know and love if I hoarded such fantastic secrets? It's time to PIMP YOUR BLOG if you haven't already.

Just doing my job!

Widgets are the small boxes on the right or left column of your blog that you drag & drop when editing, and can range from your profile info, to slideshows, to a list of followers etc.

I was Google-ing (a favorite past time of mine)widgets and my personal favorites would have to include:

1. Top Commenters - Newly Added to the blog of "yours truly" and I feel as if this widget really gives back to the community, it's all about the people after all! HAH Just kidding - It lists the top commenters overall of your blog. A little pat on the tush for those e-friends who have commented on even the most boring and pathetic posts you have decided to write. Give back! Use this widget!

2. Top Commented Posts - Another widget, similar to the little widgie listed above, however it gives you the opportunity to say to the blog community, "Ooooh This my Shit, This my Shit! This stuff is the talk of the town". That way if you lose your 'edge' like some One hit Wonder - people will still remember your awesome post.

3. Label Clouds - Keywords/Tags/Labels, the words you list in the text area below your post to "stereotype" your post and assign it its' "table at lunch" - if you will - is a great opportunity to let bloggers BROWSE your blog. I have a widget like this, however it is listed in alphabetical order. Installing this widget would list your labels in paragraph form in different sizes for a more abstract look! Instructions for installation are included at the link provided.

4. Baby Countdown - For all you Mommy's to be, this Widget is a countdown to your due date. (However I find the widget to be a little graphically invasive, it is a floating fetus in a womb). Um, moving on!

5. Music Player - Very minimal, not tacky at all! I highly reccomend if you are looking to provide a soundtrack to your life!
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Look out for "The Power of a Quickie: Blogger Editions" that I will post for your enjoyment. A pretty blog community is a HAPPY blog community.

He Kissed ME!

2009-01-10T18:45:00.000-05:00

The snow messed up my plans! Oh, What's a girl to do! When...

*Knock Knock* (Thank God I was dressed) My prince! On his royal white steed! No- there in his adorable Timberlands with a coffee from Dunkin and the most adorable smile on his face! Those eyes, those tattoos, that smile, those muscles!

He came in, we watched part of the movie Clue and flipped around the telly (wish I was British and could really say that) and we laughed and updated each other on the past week or so.

Ahhh! He saved the day! In the simplest sweetest way! So I got my cuddles, I got some caffiene (amidst a blizzard) Now he has to get going, in no way shape or form was he spending the night at my place! He isn't that lucky!

So I walk him to the door and we say our goodbyes - he turns around to walk away - AND THEN "Just one more thing" .... and then ( I know RIGHT! )... oh my god. THEN! I recieved the most wonderful, blood rushing, make my knees weak, hair stand on end plant on the lips! (Thank God I slept with medicated chapstick on last night! The wind and cold is ruining my pout!)

A kiss in the snow! A kiss from HIM! My God it was SO much better than I ever thought it could ever be! He nibbled he sucked he teased, he held me so tight! Then slowly released his superhero grasp from around my waist, rubbed my friggen nose with his! (Um eskimo kissed already? That's honeymoon play!) And told me to have a good night! NO SHIT IM GONNA HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

I'm sorry if this post is a bit ambiguous or scatter brained. He kissed ME! I feel like I'm 14 years old!

I can't type right now! I have to go perform a whole multitude of chick flick cliches and jump up and down, then take a huge deep breath and smile, and fall back on my bed gracefully thinking about his warm touch and that candy tongue and those eyes!

'Scuse me - I have to go cool down! In case my description wasn't good enough, watch the video beloq. These kisses are *comparable* but nothing NEAR what I have just experienced. A little melodramatic you say? - So SUE ME! My blog, my feelings. It was good! Damn good.

Wanted: BLOGGER Girlfriends

2009-01-10T11:17:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the eagerness of my new blogger friend, Rosemarie (Check out the blog, Intelligent and Funny - Side Note: My Favorite Combo) I realized that my comments are not enabled. Of course my world came crashing down and I frantically googled and googled until the necessary alterations had been made.

So, I know you were all beside yourselves because you couldn't comment - I'm kidding - I am offering to the ENTIRE World Wide Web a little piece of my heart and soul and opening up to you guys. (Oh GAWD, Should I really have put my real picture up?)

I created a blog because I am running a little low on good influence and good girlfriends in my life. I was recently dumped (recently meaning 9 months ago and I'm still losing LOTS of well needed/deserved beauty rest over him) and my world fell apart. Consequently, I lost my best friend over this break up (his cousin Christina) because of the complete and utter shittiness that is my luck.

I'm looking to REALLY get to know you guys, if you'll have me *blushes* and commit to giving my followers/favorite blogs my God's honest and ever stylish and savvy opinions and advice and I hope you'll do the same for me because I really do need it. I was a little hesitant to put this all up here and have ZERO response, but as my Mommy always said, they don't like you because they are jealous, or NOT. So please introduce yourself. Or follow me, or from time to time check in and see what trouble I am getting myself into. I promise you, I will be a loving committed BLOGGER GIRLFRIEND and won't judge you if you are wearing no makeup or fart or get a little emotional.

The whole point to blogging is real emotion, and there is nothing in this world that I respect more than someone's God's honest emotion.

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Back to ME!

I got an invitation to go to my new love interest's condo and watch movies and cuddle tonight (maybe get snowed in? Expecting 2-4 inches!). I'm a little nervous- this guy gives me legitimate butterflies in the belly and makes me laugh so hard that I have to pee. Can you imagine he looks at me all doe eyed and then cracks a funny joke? I'll be so overwhelmed by butterflies and his charming and sexy comedy that I have to RUN TO THE BATHROOM, he'll think I have some weird bladder problem or that I am crazy and it will all go up in flames.

Side Note: I am a HYPOMANDRIAC. Meaning ever since I got out of my last relationship (you can tell I am SO not over this) everything that could go wrong will go wrong and I need to make sure it doesn't happen or look it up online.

PHEW wish me luck. The legs are shaved to perfection and I have some cute new lounge clothes from Victoria's Secret. Time to show HIM who's BOSS! (And an adorable boss at that!)

Can you Help me Carry this Drink?

2009-01-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

I went bowling last night with a couple friends and there was a guy there that my friend thought was cute. She wanted him to come sit with us but she wouldn't go talk to him and our other friend thought it would be awkward since he is a male. So I was like fuck it. I'll do it. I walked up to dude, tapped him on the shoulder and I said "Hey, your balls must weigh a ton." Needless to say, that line didn't work. So much for being classy.

Aren't there any men out there with a man's sense of humor?

I am a firm believer in going out and getting what I want. Who says women can't use pick up lines? Well no one- I guess next time I will steer clear of referencing 'balls' when I'm trying to strike up a conversation.

So how about... "If you could read my thoughts, you would marry me tomorrow" or "You look like you are really big. Can you help me carry this drink?" My favorite, "Hi". Doesn't take much to pick up a guy. The biggest problem I have with being so 'sexually proactive' is that women like me are often labeled as 'slutty' when we don't even go home with the guy we are talking to, but the fact that we actually have the courage to flirt and giggle and make interesting conversation is purely enough to accuse us of such horrible crimes!! I know, classic double standard, I guess I have just always been a go getter. I guess I always know what I want. I think more than anything I'd rather be talking to someone who looks interesting, has an inner light of confidence and someone who I noticed right away - rather than wait for some Average Joe to come over and ask me what my sign is or if he can buy me a drink. No - thanks.

Any qualms against hitting on a man? Come on ladies this is the 21st Century- Grab your drink and your clutch and sound off!

Any interesting/painfully embarassing (see mine above) experiences trying to pick up a sexy stud? Ever felt like you were looked at differently for being so ferociously fierce?

A Little In-shape-spiration

2009-01-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

There isn't much to this post, other than my January 9th Resolution is to look as smokin' as my favorite funny hunny, Jenny McCarthy. DAMN GIRL! Autism awareness, mother, girlfriend, and that bod?

Anyone want to take a run with me?

Take Your Girlfriends' Advice

2009-01-09T00:02:00.001-05:00

The process of self discovery that women force themselves to face after an inevitable bleak patch of in their love life seems twisted and a little cowardly when you truly analyze what is at hand. What happens when a man breaks and shatters our best friend’s heart into a thousand bleeding pieces and we are left there with a box of tissues? (if they’re my friends a pack of Marb Menthol Lights and a bottle of Sangria) We tell them he’s an asshole. He’s an ungreatful blind bastard who is missing the best damn thing in the world and it is all his loss. How could he possibly give up a thing like you? He’s crazy?

Well let’s start this at the root of it all. Although as females we are bred to believe that every man is ungreatful and selfish and so shallow and peanut-brained that he cannot process an ounce of actual common knowledge, the necessity for romanticism or the importance of honesty—there are normal guys out there who break up with women for a reason. They’ve found something better, you’re not his type, you’re too boring, too wild, too absorbed in your job, maybe you could be the one but you’re not right now. All of these things can be legitimate, it doesn’t mean you yourself are a bad person, but you are not “right” for his life.

I am teaching myself and discovering slowly, painfully but surely that my life will go on without this man I invested my entire life into. I cannot blame myself for him leaving me, I shouldn’t try and change myself, and more importantly I don’t think I should get discouraged about love.

But what did I do wrong? Nothing!! I devoted every beat of my heart to this man. I love you but I’m not in love with you…. I found someone else…. I’m sorry.

No – Buddy – I am sorry… for even thinking you were the one. But – that doesn’t change how I feel, how it kills me to see you with her and know that she will never love you like me and eventually you’ll see that and I will be gone.

Why is it that I know all the right answers to tell my best girlfriend when some jerk toys with her feelings? Why can’t I convince myself that there’s nothing wrong with me, and there is someone right for me out there. I know, same sob story every broken hearted woman thinks to herself when she’s driving, eating, showering, working, working out, SLEEPING!

Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou you jerk!