No time for details

No time for details. My heart is shattered. Mr. Tattoo's is gone and I am scared to death of being alone these days - no - any day. Where do I go now? What do I do? This isn't rhetorical. I need answers.

He loves me. But he's not in love with me anymore. What?

Valentine's Day: Through a Man's Eyes

Valentine's Day is coming up and I for one am going to be anti-mush this 14th of February. Romance is special, and sweet and okay, but BEWARE: I am a firm believer that there is a level of mush that no one should ever have to go through.

Chicks. Why do we get so gush when it comes to celebrarting milestones or holidays or even simple romantic moments? Most men don't. (There are a few out there that thrive of this sort of thing, however when you meet them you generally don't want the romance anymore) In our heads, we choreograph every little move and try and put love and devotion into every napkin ring, and then he asks if we can watch TV while we eat.

Well guess what. MAYBE- our motive for cooking that romantic feast should be to make yourself happy by doing something kind and creating a fantastic evening for the two of you to have - not to win his adoration or score a bracelet!

So Valentine's Day. I want all you single ladies with a special guy in mind for that day, or all you happily taken broads (jealous) to heed this well thought out advice.

MEN ARE ALLERGIC TO ALL THINGS PINK AND HEART SHAPED. So don't have a mood swing when he doesn't go totally overboard with a Cupid Themed bedroom. Guys also are under a lot of friggen pressure this day. Think about it like this. Imagine March 12th was "St. PornStar Day". Could you imagine how much we would resent the male race? If we had to, and I would like to stress the word HAD, give him the most dirty-talking sexcapade wearing the most uncomfortable neglige that you could find, and IT WAS EXPECTED.

I know it's a stretch, but don't we want to show each other how much we care on our own schedule in our own way?

If you are hell-bent on hearts and flowers, please let him know it, rather than expecting him to guess exactly what you have been day dreaming about. Or maybe we should be the powerful felines that we are and perhaps tell him that WE are going to go here, alleviiating some of his stress and allowing him to personalize the rest of the night, according to HIS style.

When it Rains Men. It Pours. And these aren't SUNSHOWERS

So I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. I don't think I decided to swallow the sadness, leave all my baggage at the door and stop pitying my poor self because of some phenomenal inner strength I possess. Yeah - maybe - but to be completely honest I just can't waste any more of my life asking dumb questions, wondering what I DID, hating ' the new girl '. I am a woman - capable of forgiveness, and with the maturity, poise and grace to hold no grudges (at least try).

After a relationship that seemed to have spanned the parts of my life that were most dear and familiar to me, my boyfriend dumped me. For a newer model. With satellite radio. What pains me is that I see how happy they are. And if I really loved "Mama's Boy" so much, then I should be happy that he has found someone that makes him happy. I've met the upgrade a few times and she is charming and beautiful and I can't seem to resist the urge to trip her or pour a drink in her face. But I am a lady!

Okay so I lied. I did not "WAKE UP" this morning and decide I was going to get over my past heartache. I saw them (The Ex - "Mama's Boy" and the new chick - "Version 2.0") at the gas station. Or at least I think I did. It was not pleasant. With my heart sky rocketing up into my throat, the only antidote for the pounding in my chest and the rush of emotion was a cigarette and a speedy exit.

Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. It just baffles me. One minute a guy is mapping out your future, and the next minute he is planning he's escape! Regardless of the reasons I think I have dodged a bullet. A man who can invest so much time in me and then drop me like a bad habit is not much of a man I want to be with and he's certainly not someone I can trust.

I guess that's what bunches my panties. He didn't have respect for me. GRRR! So I'm driving to my job, of course thinking about all the things I should have done like stage some glorious cell phone conversation a little too loudly and show him HOW GREAT my life is without him, or bend over and show him the booty he left behind. BUT forget him. He is not ruining my day!

So anyway I get to work, and of course I'm pissed. Who wants something like that rubbed in their face? I'm walking in, swipe my ID and see TBH (Tall, Bald and Handsome LOL!) turning the corner, meeting my exact route to go back to his desk. We have a history of our own.

He was my rebound. My "Oh-You-Have-Attention-For-ME-I-Just-Got-Dumped" Main man! Of course he is the nicest person I think the world has ever known. Does the funniest impressions, always remembers what I like and what I say and what I Take in my coffee. However, I have ill feelings toward this nice-guy. Soon after our first and only date to a Yankees game - I began feeling repulsed by this creature that happened to work 10 feet from desk. UGH! Can you please stop telling me my hair looks nice! I appreciate it but really, can we just enjoy the game? We had a good time, but by the ride home I was so sick of hearing how great of a time we had and how great our chemistry was. THIS WAS OUR FIRST DATE! And it wasn't even an official date! And then when I finally reached my place, and got ready for bed I had 3 texts about cuddling!!! I'm sorry, run that by me again? You want to cuddle and you miss me? You wish my head was laying on your chest? WOW. Are you taking estrogen injections?

It began with that.

It slowly morphed into this day-in, day-out, "How come we never go to lunch together?", "We should get coffee", "You're busy this weekend again?", "You didn't say hi to me."

REALLY. Really? We're going to play like that? Let's see- I just got in, it's 8:00 am - could I turn on my computer before you start to bitch and moan like a nine year old pouting that she didn't get 'everything she wanted for Christmas'. I am not your girlfriend, you are ten years older than me, maybe you should just back off!

Normally, that would convey a general message that one with a brain (that at least runs on a half tank) would undestand. I am not your Mommmy, it isn't cute flirting anymore and I don't care if the rest of this BUILDING thinks you are adorable and charming, you are stepping on my last nerve. And OH! You have no hair!
Do I have some kind of jackass magnet implanted in me that I am unaware of? Can I catch a break? I need a Xanex! UGH! Men! WTF?

Snag your Man "The Celeb Way"

So none of my family really knows about this new guy in my life - only ONE girlfriend. No coworkers, no updates on Facebook/Myspace (don't participate in them), not mommy not daddy - He's my DIRTY Little Secret. And - I have to tell you it feels really nice. There is no pressure to impress anyone with the current standings of our courtship or the fact that he got me a dinky gift that my aunt doesn't see fit (when I really adore it's thought).


Is dating in secret, they way celebrities date - the healthiest way to cultivate a true RELATIONSHIP between the two of you? Is this the new way to date?


"Elle, who's that you're with? Are you two together? How's the sex? Is he taken?"

"Sorry, no comment. Some things you have to leave to the imagination. He's - uh.. a friend."



"Dating Quietly". Hmmm? Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo seem to be doing just fine, although the first part of their relationship was done in secret. Jen Aniston and John Mayer are engaged, but refused to expose their relationship until there was a solid foundation. For once - can something good come out of the Hollywood Hills? You can jinx a relationship by defining its' boundaries way too prematurely. Labels only act as binding mechanisms which generally make men run as fast as they can! The only binding they ever want to participate in involves bedposts.

If you really think about it, in love stories/movies/books/cliches - the sweetest and truest relationships are between best friends. People who feel no pressure to be with each other, but they simply enjoy each others' company and humor with no stress!

So why even call him your boyfriend? Mr. Tattoos is the sweetest bad boy I have ever met in my life, but if the union isn't strong enough in a month or so to withstand the intense presure of 'boyfriend and girlfriend', it'll crack. That doesn't necessarily mean it will crumble - but it won't be AS firm and supportive. (His butt looks firm. And I am his #1 Supporter of all those hours he logs in the gym doing squats - ahh, sorry, side tracked! I'm an ASS MAN if you can't already tell! LOL)

It will probably be hard to apply the brakes when I am falling so hard for this yummy snack, BUT I want to take this SUPER slow and really get to know him, and show him how FABULOUS I can be without all the pressure on his side. By the time he realizes my charms, he'll WANT to put the pressure on! I don't mean for this to sound like games, it's more like "Male Strategizing".

I can deal with HUSH HUSH. Let's give em something to talk about! *Me-oW* I want to develop a connection, or at least a good friendship (If all else fails, he's a great guy to fool around with) <---- I meant "joke around/laugh/play" by that, however I thought I would leave the aforementioned phrasing in tact for your own pleasure.


How do you feel about the "Celeb Way" to start dating a man? Does it merely give him the opportunity to abuse the lack of boundaries you intentionally left undrawn? Any personal experiences or remarks?

Hit me with your best shot! I'll post my favorites in upcoming posts!!

He Kissed ME!

The snow messed up my plans! Oh, What's a girl to do! When...

*Knock Knock* (Thank God I was dressed) My prince! On his royal white steed! No- there in his adorable Timberlands with a coffee from Dunkin and the most adorable smile on his face! Those eyes, those tattoos, that smile, those muscles!

He came in, we watched part of the movie Clue and flipped around the telly (wish I was British and could really say that) and we laughed and updated each other on the past week or so.

Ahhh! He saved the day! In the simplest sweetest way! So I got my cuddles, I got some caffiene (amidst a blizzard) Now he has to get going, in no way shape or form was he spending the night at my place! He isn't that lucky!

So I walk him to the door and we say our goodbyes - he turns around to walk away - AND THEN "Just one more thing" .... and then ( I know RIGHT! )... oh my god. THEN! I recieved the most wonderful, blood rushing, make my knees weak, hair stand on end plant on the lips! (Thank God I slept with medicated chapstick on last night! The wind and cold is ruining my pout!)

A kiss in the snow! A kiss from HIM! My God it was SO much better than I ever thought it could ever be! He nibbled he sucked he teased, he held me so tight! Then slowly released his superhero grasp from around my waist, rubbed my friggen nose with his! (Um eskimo kissed already? That's honeymoon play!) And told me to have a good night! NO SHIT IM GONNA HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

I'm sorry if this post is a bit ambiguous or scatter brained. He kissed ME! I feel like I'm 14 years old!

I can't type right now! I have to go perform a whole multitude of chick flick cliches and jump up and down, then take a huge deep breath and smile, and fall back on my bed gracefully thinking about his warm touch and that candy tongue and those eyes!

'Scuse me - I have to go cool down! In case my description wasn't good enough, watch the video beloq. These kisses are *comparable* but nothing NEAR what I have just experienced. A little melodramatic you say? - So SUE ME! My blog, my feelings. It was good! Damn good.