Part One: You Have One New Voice Message

"Dear you. I know it's been awhile since we last talked. I'm sorry girl. Coffee, to make it up to you? The usual spot, the usual time. Love, me."

On its fifth replay, she finds the message no less confusing than the first. In fact, with each looped playback she's washed further from the shores of sanity - first through last, some new digitized detail emerging from the embers of her memory. His affectionate inflections, the familiarity of his colloquialisms. By the seventh time through, she stalls repeatedly on the message's end: did that 'love' carry the same weight it once did, or is she imagining things that aren't there?

She could just pretend to have never gotten the message. Reject his peace offering in silence and get out of whatever he has planned by way of 'making it up to her'. There's an charming unfussiness to dodging people, and ignorance; he can't hold her responsible, if she doesn't know. But even as she ponders the option, she knows it isn't one. While he's moved on to his happily ever after *with his little Energizer Slutbunny * she's no further away from him than she's ever been. Still stuck evaluating the importance of his proposed meeting place, and time: regretful amusement, or incisive undertone? How much was he trying to say?

It was my ex. My serious serious ex.


Rosemarie said...

I can't comment this until I know more details like how serious serious were you two? When's the last time you spoke to him? Why did you break up?

These questions are important (well at least to me they are)

How long have you two been broken up?

I say (without knowing the answers to the above questions) if you're over him and want to remain friends.. go to that usual spot at the usual time.

If you're not over him and it's more of a meeting with him hoping it will have a "happy ending".. DON'T GO! (you'll know this if he's tried it before.. I have one of those ex's)

You obviously aren't over this guy if your blogging about him (I know this from experience.. ugh) so I say.. NO!

P.S. Thank goodness you posted today, I was beginning to worry about you since your last past was upsetting. Great to have you back!

The Fabulous Side of Me said...

Geez, this is a hard one. You will make the best decision for you, trust yourself.

I saw this on someone else's blog and thought of you . . .

What I realized is that there is not just one big moment of courage in our lives. There are many. These moments come to us in different ways. At times we are forced into a leap (unexpected pregnancy, when parents or partners pass away, when we loose our job). At times we are called into a leap (when someone invites us for a trip of a lifetime, when our partner wants to move to a new city, when we are offered a chance, when we take the "money maker" role to support our family). Then there are also the daily tiny leaps we take for the sake of adventure (when we try new types of food, music, when we go out on a date, when we talk to a stranger, when we transition from blogger friends to real life friends). No matter how small, silly or hard, tiny, dramatic or forgotten... All leaps are important because little by little, we live through change, we figure out how to cope, we move forward, we learn who we are, and we build our confidence for the bigger leaps, the ones we seek for ourselves.

insomniaclolita said...

ooh intrigue :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

Awww! I have so been there...like last week. UGH the replay is the worst, analyzing everything...but honestly don't read into anything too much-actions speak louder than words and you need to take care of your precious heart!! <3