"So You Had a Bad Day .... "

So you know when you're going through some life-changing relationship liason, broken hearted and pessimistic about everything, very Ne-YO "So Sick" without the power to actually turn off the radio? Well that was today. It's like my heart was waiting on the corner of the street, and a car flew by and covered it with mud. And then a loving couple is holding hands in front of me and I'm running to my next class with a broken heel and my morning perk-up spilled all over my new creme colored blouse.

You're all invited to my pity party. No streamers, no balloons, no delicious diet-breaking cake or chocolate waterfall. I know it's time for a change in my life, I want to make it, I see the "signs" in me.

Within the past year or so I have been making monumental mistakes, acting purely on vodka or insecurity. People I know have lost respect for me, I am losing respect for me. And that is what is killing me. I have held my head proud and because of what I know is on the inside, I can wake up one more day. Not anymore. I can hear your advice "It doesn't matter what people think, if you know inside what you are, it doesn't matter what anyone else says." But none of that rings true to me. It is simply hovering on the surface with all the rest of the advice that is so easily given but rarely taken.

"We all make mistakes." "If they believe a conclusion like that without even knowing the facts, they aren't worth your time."

But we have all been on the other side, bashing the best of us who have made "big mistakes". We hear about someone's reputation and think "Yea, she's trash - I heard that she ..." or "People like that never change, that girl..." Well, Now I'm THAT GIRL.

What happens when suddenly I am finding myself defined by the opinions of others? I've lost friends, boyfriends and even potential boyfriends (after the fact) because of the reputation I have created for myself in collaboration with the spin on things the grapevine always provides (Remember the Telephone Game in elementary school?)

Something more painful and overwhelming is that I am disgusted with the author of this very post, ashamed of the very feelings I feel, completely uninspired and feeling like I've got nothing.

Mistakes. We are supposed to get past them. It's not a mistake if you learn from it. My mistakes turned my entire world around, and I'm left kneeling on the ground with the pieces scattered around me. These broken relationships, the good reputation that I had that is now rubble, all a dark reminder of the consequences of my actions.

I'm still resisting accepting that when things are broken, sometimes they can't be fixed. I'm still baffled by the idea that no matter how genuine my apologies and attempts are to mend wounds, it will never be enough.

Everyday I let myself sink deeper into this ominous "funk" that I know if my friend were going through I would be maniacally concerned. Ice cream and shoe shopping doesn't fix this pain when I'm about to fall asleep. I feel desperate, out of control.


Tears At Work (I'm THAT Girl)

Can I just say thank you to Charlee, Rosemarie, Jamie, Ruggy, Classy in Philly and Lolita? I love you with all my heart! The response time was immediate and I just checked my post from work and my heart just exploded! You guys are amazing and I especially want to give *hugs and kisses* to Rosie and Classy in Philly for always ALWAYS give me your love and 2 cents.

God didn't take this man away from me to punish me. God took him away from me to give me something so much better.

I cried when I read this at work...

"The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

'Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?'

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

'A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.'

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath . Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, 'Do you love me?'

'Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls.'

'Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite.'

'That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.'
And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, 'Do you love me?'

'Daddy, you know I love you.'

'Then give me your pearls..'

'Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll . The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.'

'That's okay. Sleep well... God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you'

And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style...

As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.

'What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?'

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy.. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace . With a little quiver, she finally said, 'Here, daddy; this is for you.'

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. "

Tears. Brought me to tears. I guess it just goes to show, that there is a silver lining. You just have to have faith.

No time for details

No time for details. My heart is shattered. Mr. Tattoo's is gone and I am scared to death of being alone these days - no - any day. Where do I go now? What do I do? This isn't rhetorical. I need answers.

He loves me. But he's not in love with me anymore. What?


No, I am NOT High Maitenance. Wait, Yes...

I'm not sure if it is only me, but there are just certain days that I think to myself, "Wow, I am a complete and total mess and I gained 5 pounds" and then I see some stupid beauty commercial, or advertisements for the Miss America Beauty Pageant. I am not that girl! I don't think if I quit my job and had unlimited resources, that I could possible perfect every little trait in my appearance/mannerism/presentation. WELL DUH! Of course no one is perfect Elle!

I know that.

You know that. This isn't my point.

Aren't there just some days where you beat yourself over the head for 'letting yourself go' too soon, or not being up to par. It seems like as I try and tackle more and more, I have less time for me- but I think it's okay. My physical appearance isn't a top priority, it's important, but when I see some women at work or school I think to myself - how much energy must they invest to look the way they do? I barely get 20 minutes on the elliptical.

So here are somethings that I found that appear to be "going against" the high-maitenance expectations that Cosmopolitan expects us to be...

1. 29 % of women go barefaced! No makeup. All natural. Oh la la! It's time that we strip of all the cakey makeup and look the way God intended us to. Makeup is supposed to 'accentuate' not hide.

2. Washing your hair daily is unnecessary. So clip it up if you have to when you're in the shower and then use that grittiness to achieve volume or curl the next day. (In no way am I condoning skipping a shower! LOL)

3. Ever feel like you walked out of the house, and ooh, ouch, just didn't get it right? 66% of women admit to primping in public - from reapplying makeup to fixing hair to some creative new way to wear your jewelry - don't be afraid to achieve your look on the go!

4. 76% of women skip the bikini wax and dilligently and delicately use a razor. Waxing hurts. A lot. Use sparingly. Drink heavily before hand.

5. Cutting your own hair! Come on girls, we know that we have all seen our hairdresser cut our hair the same way for years!! Try it out yourself. 68% of women at home cut their own hair. However, warning, if you are nervous at all - do not attempt - and if you are just generally bad with scissors.... please don't say I encourage you do to this.

6. Half of women say they are more comfortable with their appearance now than they were in the past. Thiry's are the new Twenty's anyway! Oh, I have so much time to age elegantly like a nice pinot noir.

Some other interesting numbers

See how you match up to the nation's "beauty average"

[ 5 ] Average number of times a woman looks at her face in the mirror each day.

[ 42 ] Amount, in dollars, most women spend on a basic haircut.

[ 49 ] Minutes a typical young woman puts into her looks, daily.

[ 23 ] Average amount, in dollars, a woman pays for a manicure.

[ 81 ] Percent of women who believe beauty is too narrowly defined as appearance

Not sure if my shoe obsession, and nazi- like skin care regimen earn me the title of High Matienance. I am a guilty sweats lover, but if I could I would wear Bottega Venetta pencil skirts to work everyday dripping in gaudy jewelry. Where is the line drawn?


To Do's, Kitty Litter, & Cleaning

Cleaning the apartment, getting ready for school to begin again (GO Masters!). Sorry about the lack of 'good' post quality. It will return again, I love the feedback I'm getting. You guys are great and I love hearing your responses.

I'll leave you with this. I didn't get a chance to go to church this week, but I think we all need to stop and take a second, regardless if we are believers are not to realize that 'someone' is looking out for us. Whether you believe it is mother earth, or Buddha, or your grandmother, or God - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

I challenge you to accomplish just 2 things on your To Do list today. It will make the start of the week go by much more seamlessly. I'm going to do some pilates DVDs, get ready for school to start this week and clean my ENTIRE house!

Embrace boring days to clear your head, make lists, do some ironing? (I never get to iron my work pants). And I have been dying to try this new face mask out. It's made of *kitty litter*!

I know it sounds gross, but really, all kitty litter is, is volcanic ash that is cooled and turned into clay! Below is the video that inspired me to try this, and hey, if there is nothing else going on right now in your life- try it out! The author is MichellePhan and she has so many great videos and tips!

Here are my favorites:

Kitty Litter Detox Mask

Get the Most out of your Expensive Lip Glosses

Took me a while to get used to her voice, LOL, but after a while it is very soothing!

I'll be trying the mask out today, so let me know if you tried and liked it!

Love you ALL!!


Valentine's Day: Through a Man's Eyes

Valentine's Day is coming up and I for one am going to be anti-mush this 14th of February. Romance is special, and sweet and okay, but BEWARE: I am a firm believer that there is a level of mush that no one should ever have to go through.

Chicks. Why do we get so gush when it comes to celebrarting milestones or holidays or even simple romantic moments? Most men don't. (There are a few out there that thrive of this sort of thing, however when you meet them you generally don't want the romance anymore) In our heads, we choreograph every little move and try and put love and devotion into every napkin ring, and then he asks if we can watch TV while we eat.

Well guess what. MAYBE- our motive for cooking that romantic feast should be to make yourself happy by doing something kind and creating a fantastic evening for the two of you to have - not to win his adoration or score a bracelet!

So Valentine's Day. I want all you single ladies with a special guy in mind for that day, or all you happily taken broads (jealous) to heed this well thought out advice.

MEN ARE ALLERGIC TO ALL THINGS PINK AND HEART SHAPED. So don't have a mood swing when he doesn't go totally overboard with a Cupid Themed bedroom. Guys also are under a lot of friggen pressure this day. Think about it like this. Imagine March 12th was "St. PornStar Day". Could you imagine how much we would resent the male race? If we had to, and I would like to stress the word HAD, give him the most dirty-talking sexcapade wearing the most uncomfortable neglige that you could find, and IT WAS EXPECTED.

I know it's a stretch, but don't we want to show each other how much we care on our own schedule in our own way?

If you are hell-bent on hearts and flowers, please let him know it, rather than expecting him to guess exactly what you have been day dreaming about. Or maybe we should be the powerful felines that we are and perhaps tell him that WE are going to go here, alleviiating some of his stress and allowing him to personalize the rest of the night, according to HIS style.


You paid what for those shoes?@!#^

Divine Intervention Ladies! Holy Manolo, I had an amazing day today. Why? I have no idea. I have been in this friggen rut, always concerning myself with my next 'man move', or what is the ex doing right now - that I haven't lived 24 hours just for me. JUST ME, All me, "Sorry can't help you it's Elle-Day, didjya get the memo? Ciao!"

I wanna play a little game of truth or dare. Only you have to pick dare, and PLEASE believe me it will be so worth it.

Step 1: Pick a day that you know involves no commitments, appointments, plans, whatever! And if you don't remember what a day without SOMETHING dire occupying all of your energey is like (I am deeply sorry for the amount of responsibility on your shoulders, still try it!!!)

Step 2: Love the shit out of yourself. I swear I'm done feeling stressed out! Booooooo! Whiners = Lame! Suck it up, it is YOUR life and rock the hell out of it.

Step 3: Reflect.

I arose in a sun beam, the scent of my scented candles still lurking amongst the air, in the cleanest, most white tshirt and panties with a smile on my face, ready to kick the morning's ass really hard.

(What Actually Happened - I woke up sleeping on my cell phone with a miserable back ache and let's just say I had the bed head of a young college slut *graphic?* sorry)

But hey, TODAY IS ELLE-DAY! HOOOOOOORAY! The crick in my back (I feel old!) will only help me to have that 'Beyonce swag'. SERIOUSLY. Limping can be sexy girls, it's all about how you work it!!

At lunch, what did I do? BYE GUYS- I have things. LOL Treated myself to the freshest most delicious veggie sushi and bought a pair of... drum roll please!! ....


My name is Elle and I can't afford them. But ...
I bought them.

Why, because today is Elle's day.

(The leisure in my tone and the state of my mind's sanity is very calm. I cannot promise I will be so calm tomorrow.)

So before I do something crazy, I need MANOLO SUPPORT! Calling all shoe lovers! Please, pat my back and tell me it's going to be okay. It was worth it, don't cry when you get your bank statement.

I need.... The Stiletto Mafia.


When it Rains Men. It Pours. And these aren't SUNSHOWERS

So I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. I don't think I decided to swallow the sadness, leave all my baggage at the door and stop pitying my poor self because of some phenomenal inner strength I possess. Yeah - maybe - but to be completely honest I just can't waste any more of my life asking dumb questions, wondering what I DID, hating ' the new girl '. I am a woman - capable of forgiveness, and with the maturity, poise and grace to hold no grudges (at least try).

After a relationship that seemed to have spanned the parts of my life that were most dear and familiar to me, my boyfriend dumped me. For a newer model. With satellite radio. What pains me is that I see how happy they are. And if I really loved "Mama's Boy" so much, then I should be happy that he has found someone that makes him happy. I've met the upgrade a few times and she is charming and beautiful and I can't seem to resist the urge to trip her or pour a drink in her face. But I am a lady!

Okay so I lied. I did not "WAKE UP" this morning and decide I was going to get over my past heartache. I saw them (The Ex - "Mama's Boy" and the new chick - "Version 2.0") at the gas station. Or at least I think I did. It was not pleasant. With my heart sky rocketing up into my throat, the only antidote for the pounding in my chest and the rush of emotion was a cigarette and a speedy exit.

Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. It just baffles me. One minute a guy is mapping out your future, and the next minute he is planning he's escape! Regardless of the reasons I think I have dodged a bullet. A man who can invest so much time in me and then drop me like a bad habit is not much of a man I want to be with and he's certainly not someone I can trust.

I guess that's what bunches my panties. He didn't have respect for me. GRRR! So I'm driving to my job, of course thinking about all the things I should have done like stage some glorious cell phone conversation a little too loudly and show him HOW GREAT my life is without him, or bend over and show him the booty he left behind. BUT forget him. He is not ruining my day!

So anyway I get to work, and of course I'm pissed. Who wants something like that rubbed in their face? I'm walking in, swipe my ID and see TBH (Tall, Bald and Handsome LOL!) turning the corner, meeting my exact route to go back to his desk. We have a history of our own.

He was my rebound. My "Oh-You-Have-Attention-For-ME-I-Just-Got-Dumped" Main man! Of course he is the nicest person I think the world has ever known. Does the funniest impressions, always remembers what I like and what I say and what I Take in my coffee. However, I have ill feelings toward this nice-guy. Soon after our first and only date to a Yankees game - I began feeling repulsed by this creature that happened to work 10 feet from desk. UGH! Can you please stop telling me my hair looks nice! I appreciate it but really, can we just enjoy the game? We had a good time, but by the ride home I was so sick of hearing how great of a time we had and how great our chemistry was. THIS WAS OUR FIRST DATE! And it wasn't even an official date! And then when I finally reached my place, and got ready for bed I had 3 texts about cuddling!!! I'm sorry, run that by me again? You want to cuddle and you miss me? You wish my head was laying on your chest? WOW. Are you taking estrogen injections?

It began with that.

It slowly morphed into this day-in, day-out, "How come we never go to lunch together?", "We should get coffee", "You're busy this weekend again?", "You didn't say hi to me."

REALLY. Really? We're going to play like that? Let's see- I just got in, it's 8:00 am - could I turn on my computer before you start to bitch and moan like a nine year old pouting that she didn't get 'everything she wanted for Christmas'. I am not your girlfriend, you are ten years older than me, maybe you should just back off!

Normally, that would convey a general message that one with a brain (that at least runs on a half tank) would undestand. I am not your Mommmy, it isn't cute flirting anymore and I don't care if the rest of this BUILDING thinks you are adorable and charming, you are stepping on my last nerve. And OH! You have no hair!
Do I have some kind of jackass magnet implanted in me that I am unaware of? Can I catch a break? I need a Xanex! UGH! Men! WTF?


Snag your Man "The Celeb Way"

So none of my family really knows about this new guy in my life - only ONE girlfriend. No coworkers, no updates on Facebook/Myspace (don't participate in them), not mommy not daddy - He's my DIRTY Little Secret. And - I have to tell you it feels really nice. There is no pressure to impress anyone with the current standings of our courtship or the fact that he got me a dinky gift that my aunt doesn't see fit (when I really adore it's thought).

Is dating in secret, they way celebrities date - the healthiest way to cultivate a true RELATIONSHIP between the two of you? Is this the new way to date?

"Elle, who's that you're with? Are you two together? How's the sex? Is he taken?"

"Sorry, no comment. Some things you have to leave to the imagination. He's - uh.. a friend."

"Dating Quietly". Hmmm? Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo seem to be doing just fine, although the first part of their relationship was done in secret. Jen Aniston and John Mayer are engaged, but refused to expose their relationship until there was a solid foundation. For once - can something good come out of the Hollywood Hills? You can jinx a relationship by defining its' boundaries way too prematurely. Labels only act as binding mechanisms which generally make men run as fast as they can! The only binding they ever want to participate in involves bedposts.

If you really think about it, in love stories/movies/books/cliches - the sweetest and truest relationships are between best friends. People who feel no pressure to be with each other, but they simply enjoy each others' company and humor with no stress!

So why even call him your boyfriend? Mr. Tattoos is the sweetest bad boy I have ever met in my life, but if the union isn't strong enough in a month or so to withstand the intense presure of 'boyfriend and girlfriend', it'll crack. That doesn't necessarily mean it will crumble - but it won't be AS firm and supportive. (His butt looks firm. And I am his #1 Supporter of all those hours he logs in the gym doing squats - ahh, sorry, side tracked! I'm an ASS MAN if you can't already tell! LOL)

It will probably be hard to apply the brakes when I am falling so hard for this yummy snack, BUT I want to take this SUPER slow and really get to know him, and show him how FABULOUS I can be without all the pressure on his side. By the time he realizes my charms, he'll WANT to put the pressure on! I don't mean for this to sound like games, it's more like "Male Strategizing".

I can deal with HUSH HUSH. Let's give em something to talk about! *Me-oW* I want to develop a connection, or at least a good friendship (If all else fails, he's a great guy to fool around with) <---- I meant "joke around/laugh/play" by that, however I thought I would leave the aforementioned phrasing in tact for your own pleasure.

How do you feel about the "Celeb Way" to start dating a man? Does it merely give him the opportunity to abuse the lack of boundaries you intentionally left undrawn? Any personal experiences or remarks?

Hit me with your best shot! I'll post my favorites in upcoming posts!!

The Power of a Quickie: Widgets

Feeling inadequate, like you aren't getting the blog traffic you KNOW you deserve? I mean after all - you are the funniest, most charming, insightful and ever-changing blogger out there! These quick changes/additions can boost your blogging ego - which can lead to better content! - or encourage Browsers to pitch a tent and soak up every juicy word you write!

I found some great websites ladies & gents! And would I be the ELLE that you all know and love if I hoarded such fantastic secrets? It's time to PIMP YOUR BLOG if you haven't already.

Just doing my job!

Widgets are the small boxes on the right or left column of your blog that you drag & drop when editing, and can range from your profile info, to slideshows, to a list of followers etc.

I was Google-ing (a favorite past time of mine)widgets and my personal favorites would have to include:

1. Top Commenters - Newly Added to the blog of "yours truly" and I feel as if this widget really gives back to the community, it's all about the people after all! HAH Just kidding - It lists the top commenters overall of your blog. A little pat on the tush for those e-friends who have commented on even the most boring and pathetic posts you have decided to write. Give back! Use this widget!

2. Top Commented Posts - Another widget, similar to the little widgie listed above, however it gives you the opportunity to say to the blog community, "Ooooh This my Shit, This my Shit! This stuff is the talk of the town". That way if you lose your 'edge' like some One hit Wonder - people will still remember your awesome post.

3. Label Clouds - Keywords/Tags/Labels, the words you list in the text area below your post to "stereotype" your post and assign it its' "table at lunch" - if you will - is a great opportunity to let bloggers BROWSE your blog. I have a widget like this, however it is listed in alphabetical order. Installing this widget would list your labels in paragraph form in different sizes for a more abstract look! Instructions for installation are included at the link provided.

4. Baby Countdown - For all you Mommy's to be, this Widget is a countdown to your due date. (However I find the widget to be a little graphically invasive, it is a floating fetus in a womb). Um, moving on!

5. Music Player - Very minimal, not tacky at all! I highly reccomend if you are looking to provide a soundtrack to your life!

Look out for "The Power of a Quickie: Blogger Editions" that I will post for your enjoyment. A pretty blog community is a HAPPY blog community.


He Kissed ME!

The snow messed up my plans! Oh, What's a girl to do! When...

*Knock Knock* (Thank God I was dressed) My prince! On his royal white steed! No- there in his adorable Timberlands with a coffee from Dunkin and the most adorable smile on his face! Those eyes, those tattoos, that smile, those muscles!

He came in, we watched part of the movie Clue and flipped around the telly (wish I was British and could really say that) and we laughed and updated each other on the past week or so.

Ahhh! He saved the day! In the simplest sweetest way! So I got my cuddles, I got some caffiene (amidst a blizzard) Now he has to get going, in no way shape or form was he spending the night at my place! He isn't that lucky!

So I walk him to the door and we say our goodbyes - he turns around to walk away - AND THEN "Just one more thing" .... and then ( I know RIGHT! )... oh my god. THEN! I recieved the most wonderful, blood rushing, make my knees weak, hair stand on end plant on the lips! (Thank God I slept with medicated chapstick on last night! The wind and cold is ruining my pout!)

A kiss in the snow! A kiss from HIM! My God it was SO much better than I ever thought it could ever be! He nibbled he sucked he teased, he held me so tight! Then slowly released his superhero grasp from around my waist, rubbed my friggen nose with his! (Um eskimo kissed already? That's honeymoon play!) And told me to have a good night! NO SHIT IM GONNA HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!

I'm sorry if this post is a bit ambiguous or scatter brained. He kissed ME! I feel like I'm 14 years old!

I can't type right now! I have to go perform a whole multitude of chick flick cliches and jump up and down, then take a huge deep breath and smile, and fall back on my bed gracefully thinking about his warm touch and that candy tongue and those eyes!

'Scuse me - I have to go cool down! In case my description wasn't good enough, watch the video beloq. These kisses are *comparable* but nothing NEAR what I have just experienced. A little melodramatic you say? - So SUE ME! My blog, my feelings. It was good! Damn good.

Wanted: BLOGGER Girlfriends

Thanks to the eagerness of my new blogger friend, Rosemarie (Check out the blog, Intelligent and Funny - Side Note: My Favorite Combo) I realized that my comments are not enabled. Of course my world came crashing down and I frantically googled and googled until the necessary alterations had been made.

So, I know you were all beside yourselves because you couldn't comment - I'm kidding - I am offering to the ENTIRE World Wide Web a little piece of my heart and soul and opening up to you guys. (Oh GAWD, Should I really have put my real picture up?)

I created a blog because I am running a little low on good influence and good girlfriends in my life. I was recently dumped (recently meaning 9 months ago and I'm still losing LOTS of well needed/deserved beauty rest over him) and my world fell apart. Consequently, I lost my best friend over this break up (his cousin Christina) because of the complete and utter shittiness that is my luck.

I'm looking to REALLY get to know you guys, if you'll have me *blushes* and commit to giving my followers/favorite blogs my God's honest and ever stylish and savvy opinions and advice and I hope you'll do the same for me because I really do need it. I was a little hesitant to put this all up here and have ZERO response, but as my Mommy always said, they don't like you because they are jealous, or NOT. So please introduce yourself. Or follow me, or from time to time check in and see what trouble I am getting myself into. I promise you, I will be a loving committed BLOGGER GIRLFRIEND and won't judge you if you are wearing no makeup or fart or get a little emotional.

The whole point to blogging is real emotion, and there is nothing in this world that I respect more than someone's God's honest emotion.


Back to ME!

I got an invitation to go to my new love interest's condo and watch movies and cuddle tonight (maybe get snowed in? Expecting 2-4 inches!). I'm a little nervous- this guy gives me legitimate butterflies in the belly and makes me laugh so hard that I have to pee. Can you imagine he looks at me all doe eyed and then cracks a funny joke? I'll be so overwhelmed by butterflies and his charming and sexy comedy that I have to RUN TO THE BATHROOM, he'll think I have some weird bladder problem or that I am crazy and it will all go up in flames.

Side Note: I am a HYPOMANDRIAC. Meaning ever since I got out of my last relationship (you can tell I am SO not over this) everything that could go wrong will go wrong and I need to make sure it doesn't happen or look it up online.

PHEW wish me luck. The legs are shaved to perfection and I have some cute new lounge clothes from Victoria's Secret. Time to show HIM who's BOSS! (And an adorable boss at that!)


Can you Help me Carry this Drink?

I went bowling last night with a couple friends and there was a guy there that my friend thought was cute. She wanted him to come sit with us but she wouldn't go talk to him and our other friend thought it would be awkward since he is a male. So I was like fuck it. I'll do it. I walked up to dude, tapped him on the shoulder and I said "Hey, your balls must weigh a ton." Needless to say, that line didn't work. So much for being classy.

Aren't there any men out there with a man's sense of humor?

I am a firm believer in going out and getting what I want. Who says women can't use pick up lines? Well no one- I guess next time I will steer clear of referencing 'balls' when I'm trying to strike up a conversation.

So how about... "If you could read my thoughts, you would marry me tomorrow" or "You look like you are really big. Can you help me carry this drink?" My favorite, "Hi". Doesn't take much to pick up a guy. The biggest problem I have with being so 'sexually proactive' is that women like me are often labeled as 'slutty' when we don't even go home with the guy we are talking to, but the fact that we actually have the courage to flirt and giggle and make interesting conversation is purely enough to accuse us of such horrible crimes!! I know, classic double standard, I guess I have just always been a go getter. I guess I always know what I want. I think more than anything I'd rather be talking to someone who looks interesting, has an inner light of confidence and someone who I noticed right away - rather than wait for some Average Joe to come over and ask me what my sign is or if he can buy me a drink. No - thanks.

Any qualms against hitting on a man? Come on ladies this is the 21st Century- Grab your drink and your clutch and sound off!

Any interesting/painfully embarassing (see mine above) experiences trying to pick up a sexy stud? Ever felt like you were looked at differently for being so ferociously fierce?

A Little In-shape-spiration

There isn't much to this post, other than my January 9th Resolution is to look as smokin' as my favorite funny hunny, Jenny McCarthy. DAMN GIRL! Autism awareness, mother, girlfriend, and that bod?

Anyone want to take a run with me?

Take Your Girlfriends' Advice

The process of self discovery that women force themselves to face after an inevitable bleak patch of in their love life seems twisted and a little cowardly when you truly analyze what is at hand. What happens when a man breaks and shatters our best friend’s heart into a thousand bleeding pieces and we are left there with a box of tissues? (if they’re my friends a pack of Marb Menthol Lights and a bottle of Sangria) We tell them he’s an asshole. He’s an ungreatful blind bastard who is missing the best damn thing in the world and it is all his loss. How could he possibly give up a thing like you? He’s crazy?

Well let’s start this at the root of it all. Although as females we are bred to believe that every man is ungreatful and selfish and so shallow and peanut-brained that he cannot process an ounce of actual common knowledge, the necessity for romanticism or the importance of honesty—there are normal guys out there who break up with women for a reason. They’ve found something better, you’re not his type, you’re too boring, too wild, too absorbed in your job, maybe you could be the one but you’re not right now. All of these things can be legitimate, it doesn’t mean you yourself are a bad person, but you are not “right” for his life.

I am teaching myself and discovering slowly, painfully but surely that my life will go on without this man I invested my entire life into. I cannot blame myself for him leaving me, I shouldn’t try and change myself, and more importantly I don’t think I should get discouraged about love.

But what did I do wrong? Nothing!! I devoted every beat of my heart to this man. I love you but I’m not in love with you…. I found someone else…. I’m sorry.

No – Buddy – I am sorry… for even thinking you were the one. But – that doesn’t change how I feel, how it kills me to see you with her and know that she will never love you like me and eventually you’ll see that and I will be gone.

Why is it that I know all the right answers to tell my best girlfriend when some jerk toys with her feelings? Why can’t I convince myself that there’s nothing wrong with me, and there is someone right for me out there. I know, same sob story every broken hearted woman thinks to herself when she’s driving, eating, showering, working, working out, SLEEPING!

Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou you jerk!