When it Rains Men. It Pours. And these aren't SUNSHOWERS

So I woke up this morning and decided enough was enough. I don't think I decided to swallow the sadness, leave all my baggage at the door and stop pitying my poor self because of some phenomenal inner strength I possess. Yeah - maybe - but to be completely honest I just can't waste any more of my life asking dumb questions, wondering what I DID, hating ' the new girl '. I am a woman - capable of forgiveness, and with the maturity, poise and grace to hold no grudges (at least try).

After a relationship that seemed to have spanned the parts of my life that were most dear and familiar to me, my boyfriend dumped me. For a newer model. With satellite radio. What pains me is that I see how happy they are. And if I really loved "Mama's Boy" so much, then I should be happy that he has found someone that makes him happy. I've met the upgrade a few times and she is charming and beautiful and I can't seem to resist the urge to trip her or pour a drink in her face. But I am a lady!

Okay so I lied. I did not "WAKE UP" this morning and decide I was going to get over my past heartache. I saw them (The Ex - "Mama's Boy" and the new chick - "Version 2.0") at the gas station. Or at least I think I did. It was not pleasant. With my heart sky rocketing up into my throat, the only antidote for the pounding in my chest and the rush of emotion was a cigarette and a speedy exit.

Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. It just baffles me. One minute a guy is mapping out your future, and the next minute he is planning he's escape! Regardless of the reasons I think I have dodged a bullet. A man who can invest so much time in me and then drop me like a bad habit is not much of a man I want to be with and he's certainly not someone I can trust.

I guess that's what bunches my panties. He didn't have respect for me. GRRR! So I'm driving to my job, of course thinking about all the things I should have done like stage some glorious cell phone conversation a little too loudly and show him HOW GREAT my life is without him, or bend over and show him the booty he left behind. BUT forget him. He is not ruining my day!

So anyway I get to work, and of course I'm pissed. Who wants something like that rubbed in their face? I'm walking in, swipe my ID and see TBH (Tall, Bald and Handsome LOL!) turning the corner, meeting my exact route to go back to his desk. We have a history of our own.

He was my rebound. My "Oh-You-Have-Attention-For-ME-I-Just-Got-Dumped" Main man! Of course he is the nicest person I think the world has ever known. Does the funniest impressions, always remembers what I like and what I say and what I Take in my coffee. However, I have ill feelings toward this nice-guy. Soon after our first and only date to a Yankees game - I began feeling repulsed by this creature that happened to work 10 feet from desk. UGH! Can you please stop telling me my hair looks nice! I appreciate it but really, can we just enjoy the game? We had a good time, but by the ride home I was so sick of hearing how great of a time we had and how great our chemistry was. THIS WAS OUR FIRST DATE! And it wasn't even an official date! And then when I finally reached my place, and got ready for bed I had 3 texts about cuddling!!! I'm sorry, run that by me again? You want to cuddle and you miss me? You wish my head was laying on your chest? WOW. Are you taking estrogen injections?

It began with that.

It slowly morphed into this day-in, day-out, "How come we never go to lunch together?", "We should get coffee", "You're busy this weekend again?", "You didn't say hi to me."

REALLY. Really? We're going to play like that? Let's see- I just got in, it's 8:00 am - could I turn on my computer before you start to bitch and moan like a nine year old pouting that she didn't get 'everything she wanted for Christmas'. I am not your girlfriend, you are ten years older than me, maybe you should just back off!

Normally, that would convey a general message that one with a brain (that at least runs on a half tank) would undestand. I am not your Mommmy, it isn't cute flirting anymore and I don't care if the rest of this BUILDING thinks you are adorable and charming, you are stepping on my last nerve. And OH! You have no hair!
Do I have some kind of jackass magnet implanted in me that I am unaware of? Can I catch a break? I need a Xanex! UGH! Men! WTF?


The Fabulous Life of a Southern Belle said...

hilarious! you should write for a magazine.

Good Gals Inc said...

I agree with Fabulous Life!!!! I love the pictures you use. Wanted to let you know that I tagged you in my blog!!!

Classy in Philadelphia said...

Haha, I love the pictures you use. Do you just randomly find them?

Okay, so I totally disagree with the whole "if you love someone, you should be happy that they're happy thing." I loved my ex-boyfriend to pieces, and when he is happy with a new girl, I WILL NOT be happy for him. Because I think after breaking my heart, he just be destined to a life of sadness. Haha, just kidding (kind of).

That guy you went on a date non-date thing with seems quite annoying. I hate guys who get too clingy! So annoying.

Charis said...

Oh my gosh that may've been the funniest blog entry I have EVER read. Seriously, I was shaking with laughter, trying not to let my boss next door hear me...

And guys who upgrade, ALWAYS upgrade. I had one in grad school; he upgraded to me (and spoke like a hallmark card, AND was 9 years older...hmm seems like a combo of your two) and I just knew that if we did marry, in another 10 or 20 years, he'd 'upgrade' again, to a younger or straighter-teeth or whatever model. Don't worry! Soon you'll find an adequate upgrade yourself and get to flaunt it :)

Ashley said...

What a fabulous blog!

Ashley said...
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Ashley said...
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